The Sky Had Better Be Falling

So it's before six in the morning.  I finally fell asleep last night after 2.  A noise must have roused me, and then I freaked out thinking I'd overslept.  I was just too comfortable, something had to be wrong.  Well, it was.  Besides the obvious injustice of my being fully conscious at such an unholy hour, I heard what can only be described as the end of the world taking place outside.  It was the garbage truck that woke me, and excepting the fact that this makes the second time in a row we've forgotten to but the bin out (meaning we should be swimming in our own refuse by this time Sunday), I could have settled in for a few more hours of much needed sleep.  This was not to be. 

It was after a brief discussion with Chris about said garbage that the sirens started.  We live near the hospital, so we do hear an occasional ambulance.  I've gotten used to that, and Chris hardly ever even howls anymore when they start up.  But this sounded like every emergency vehicle in Bay County had come out for a last-minute parade.  It went on for a really long time.  And of course, all 47 dogs in the immediate vicinity were duty-bound to join in the cacauphony. Naturally, if something big or particularly off-pissing is going on, I need to know about it immediately.  Gives me a chance to run from the invading aliens, or march down in my slippers and single-handedly put a stop to the ill-advised pre-dawn parade.  So I go to the trusty worldwideintronets.  And nothing. 

Now the noise has stopped.  My powers of deduction say this was no parade.  So I'm gonna go start packing canned goods, water, and all the toilet paper I can find so we can get the heck out of dodge.  Maybe head someplace warmer.  Like Canada. 

Stay warm out there, folks, and stay on the alert.  (And if anybody out there knows what that shit was all about this morning, why I am now completely awake and unable to sleep, please do share.)

Crossing Fingers!

I got a call today from the school. I have an interview tomorrow at 2:40. I also now have a terrible case of the nerves. I HATE interviews. But, I REALLY want/need/gotta have this job!

Cautiously Optimistic...

So times have been more than a little trying lately.  I've been stuck in a rut of my own creation, and for a while now have not been able to see any hope of escaping it.  I've never had a great sense of direction, but I don't recall a time in my life where I have been so lost.  I lost my sense of self, who I was, what I wanted.  And when you can't find yourself, don't know where you are,  it's virtually impossible to navigate life with any sense of purpose or direction and find your way to your desired destination.  You kinda have to know where you're coming from to know where you're heading.

Depression is an ugly, hateful creature.  It can turn even the brightest of moments dark, eradicate all traces of hope, and leave you  wandering aimlessly and alone in the void of a desperate, desolate existence.  I've always felt that the worst kind of lonely is the loneliness you feel even as you walk amongst friends and loved ones.  The self-perceived isolation, the feeling that no one can understand the depths of your despair, the however irrational feeling that no one cares... It's rough, to put it most mildly.  Reason and logic seem to fly out the proverbial window, and you're left with tiny pieces of who you used to be, and an outlook on life that is remarkable in both its pessimism and downright inaccuracy.

Seriously?

So, needless to say, when my honey announced that he'd be gone on his business trip for damn near a month, I was miles away from thrilled.  Since we got together, I think we've spent maybe two weekends apart.  We're no good at it, as he would say.  So a MONTH???  I had visions of long, lonely nights...just me and the Molly watching TV and sulking.  Well I got that part right, but I forgot to envision the everything going to shit as soon as he got out of town part.  He flew out Wednesday.   He's been gone less than 24 hours, when the friggin' roof starts cavin' in.  Well maybe I exaggerate a little.  But let's just say there was a monsoon in full swing,  and I awaken to discover a big crack in the ceiling over the computer desk, and water dripping rapidly through it.   WTF?  This had been going on a while, judging from the puddle that had accumulated 3 inches from the CPU.   Is the ceiling gonna cave in?  How many days will I remain trapped in the rubble before the Molly eats me alive?  So I make some calls.  Then I realize that it's about a million degrees.  Check the thermostat, and the A/C is fuxt.  This is unbearable.  Inhumane.  If I know nothing about drywall, I know less than nothing about fixing A/C.  I'm considering packing it in and heading to a shelter, when the Spankster calls and walks me through it.  Then the brother came by after work to look at the roof and ceiling, and so far it seems I'm safe.  Now I get to wait for the landlord.  

In other news, holy shit about this bridge situation in Minneapolis.  The whole thing is just awful, first few hours were a little intense because we have family that live there, but they are safe and sound.  I have always been afraid of bridges.  I don't like driving on them and I pretty much come unglued when I'm in traffic that stops on one.  But now?  It used to be an irrational fear.  And some would say that it still is.  But in reading the statistics about how many bridges in America are rated as poorly or even WORSE than the one that fell, it's a little scary.  Close to 5,000 high traffic bridges rated even lower than this one on inspections.  WHICH ONES? is what I want to know.  That's a lot of fucking bridges that I don't wanna cross.  I can't even fathom what the people involved in MN are going through right now.  So sad.

Woot! Goes the Lonely Insomniac

I can't sleep. Nothing terribly unusual there. But tonight I have been too distracted by a dangerous new discovery on the internet to deal with the TV, so I have been permanently scarred by two infomercials in a row. If you haven't seen the ad for the "Hip Hop Abs", well you just wouldn't understand. It is something special. And directly following that freak show was a bunch of wackos raving about this air stepping thing, all while looking like idiots. Currently there are two women with breasts larger than my head and shirts cut down to their navels telling me that they can make me rich on the internet. I'll bet they can.

Anyway, I discovered Woot.com today. This is not a good thing. A very cool site where they have one item, very deeply discounted each day until it sells out. Just one item. It changes every night at midnight central time. But today just happens to be different. It's an occasion called a "Woot-off", indicated by flashing lights on the page, and means that as soon as one item sells out, it's immediately replaced by another. You have no idea what's next, or how long the items keep coming, or how many of each item there is. I already bought two things. Both for my significant other. But now I can't put the damned computer away, because what if that thing I want is next? What is that thing I want? I haven't the foggiest. But this is one of the cooler websites I've ever spent money at. Now I'm sleepy. Must go to bed.



'

Tick-Tock Goes the Biological Horseshit

Oh the laughing it hurts. Was just laying on the bed with the Spanky, trying to decide what to do next. He says, "If I go to sleep now, I can sleep 8 hours and get up at 6 in the morning." I call him on this obvious bullshit, saying that it'll never happen. I tell him his biological clock won't let him wake up that early, or something to that effect. Then he says, with a straight face, "my biological clock wakes me up at 630 EVERY day." And I start laughing. And he's all like, what's so funny? And I say well then how come your biological clock doesn't ever get your ass out from under the covers til after 8 or 9 every day? I say he's full of mud. He says "No, I DO wake up at 630, i just CHOOSE to go back to sleep cause i don't WANT to get up." Personally, I don't see what's so biological about setting an alarm for 630, sleeping through it for 5 minutes while it wakes me up, and then hitting the snooze button for the next two hours, but he is the scientist. I think I'm going to sneak in there and set his alarm for 6 tomorrow before I drag his snoring behind from the couch to the bedroom. See how his biology's working then. :o) He is too funny.

In other news, we had awesome dinner at Carraba's tonight with H and Dave Marowski. It was yummy. I had fun. Laughed a lot. Ate too much. Then came home. It's a rock and roll lifestyle I lead. Now I must go to sleep. I have to wake up at 6 to torture my boyfriend.

So That's Why They Call Them Mind-Altering Substances

Relief.  Finally.  The headache that has been plaguing me for a couple of weeks now finally became so unbearable this morning, that I gave up trying to help myself and called the doctor in tears.  My lovely uncle Shane graciously took time out of his busy work schedule to drive me to their office and they gave me an injection of Nubain, which usually will knock out my migraines.  I came home to lay down and sleep it off, only to get sicker and sicker.  A second call to the doc culminated in a trip to the ER.  Always a good time. 

Chris drove me over, and I waited in the waiting room with all the assholes and their screaming damn children. One lady kept letting her toddler come over and touch me.  Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I already felt like puking and the kid clearly had some type of infectious disease, and a completely revolting matted up pussy eye.  But I couldn't think of a polite way to say "Could you keep this walking stack of germs off me?"  so I just changed seats.  

Chris and I were supposed to be having dinner with his folks, as there were some relatives in town just for the day.  He was going to cancel, but I made him go ahead and go without me.  I didn't want either of us in trouble on my account, and it don't take two to wait.  He did call my sweet uncle Shane when he left, and Shane came right over after work and sat with me.  It's good to have good family. 

Anyway, they finally called me back.  They gave me fluids and a combo of toradol, demerol, and phenergan.  Nothing.  Head still pounding.  So the nurse comes back with something else, forgot to ask what it was, because the second he put it in the IV, I was feeling no pain whatsoever and could barely keep my eyes open.  Felt a little like morphine, though.  Finally, a head that isn't aching at all.  Miraculous.  So we leave at ten, and I come home and go to bed.  And then a few minutes ago I wake up hysterically crying.  I mean hysterical!  I was dreaming, and I'll spare you all the nonsensical details, but at one point my sister and I were having typical sarcastic banter with my dad about something he wanted us to do, and I didn't share his enthusiasm.  Suddenly my aunt Lane is there, and she says something to the effect of she's been listening to all this, and it's funny, but she thinks Melissa's just the sweetest thing.  But you? (she looks at me)  Not so sweet.  And oh boy did I start the boohooing.  It hurt my feelings.  All kindsa bad.  In my dreams I said "I was only kidding around, I am sweet!" Apparently I said this out loud and started SOBBING.  Gut-wrenching sobs.  Wails.  It was ridiculous.  I haven't cried like that since finding out my grandma was sick.  My eyes are puffy and sore.  All I can guess is it's the drugs.

He Likes His Weiners Black & Oh, God, Do I Need a Drink!

First order of business.  My significant other has objected to his presence on the worldwideintronets.  You think that’s bad?  I got forbode!  Not only am I not allowed to talk about a really funny thing he did yesterday, I am no longer allowed to use his real name.  He is apparently some type of government witness, terrorist, fugitive from the law, or secret agent in addition to the whole elusive bovine thing.  So from now on, I shall call him Spanky.  (He most definitely asked fer it.)  And no one shall know who this mysterious Spanky is, I am certain of it.  I do however feel that this whole business is discrimination, as others routinely mention his given name with no repercussions whatsoever.  In fact, Rusty Cage posted both his picture and a mention of his abiding affinity for black wieners on his flickr page, and he got off scot free!  Beyond that, Spanky himself has his very own webpage, with his very own picture! So as soon as I complete my bitching and moaning here, I shall immediately write my congressman, which I learned at poker nights from the master of such gambits, the divine Miss H (you do still have that direct line to Allan Bense I hope?), and then I will contact my local chapter of the ACLU.  I know my rights!  FORBODE, he says!  Hrmmph!  I’ll teach you to persecute me, Spanky McSpankerton.

Now that I have gotten that gross injustice off my chest, I shall move on to the next thing that is troubling my poor mind.  A blog that I started writing the other night when I couldn’t sleep, and then in typical mesogoodatprocrastinating fashion, left behind.  I just read more of this asshole’s stuff, (why do I torture myself so?) and so I am fired up all over again.  Now I shall attempt to finish what I started.

Shortly after signing up for MySpace, I got meningitis and was bedridden for about a month.  Despite what my Granny says, I am pretty certain my illness had nothing whatsoever to do with the computer.  It did, however, contribute to my spending copious amounts of time with my laptop, and going on a bit of a MySpace rampage for a little while there. Though I have no recollection whatsoever of doing so, I at some point in my drug induced haze subscribed to this gentleman’s blog, among many, many others.  (Who IS this guy?)  I almost never read them, but last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to catch up on all my blog subscriptions.  There were a lot of really enjoyable ones from Mary Magdalene, who is always so well-written and highly entertaining if you want to check her out.  And there was also a LOT of crap.  And I tried to let it go.  But those of you who know me, well, you know that like Bon Jovi, I like to hold on to what I’ve got.  Not so much a letter go-er.  But I did uncharacteristically well.  Until this one.  And this one just got under my skin.  And I’m not even remotely Republican, or much of a Giuliani fan.  But this guy had 528 comments on his blog when I read it last night.  Most of them from some pretty close to illiterate borderline crazies (that’s the nicest word I could come up with. I’m sorry, I typed and deleted four others before ‘crazies’), with some of the weakest and most fallacious arguments I’ve heard since back in my babysitting days.

The weirdo blog guy said feel free to repost his tripe, so I am going to repost it here for your viewing pleasure.  I'd hate for you to take my opinion.

Giuliani. An abortion doctor’s best friend?

Rudy Giuliani is the Corleone's leading candidate for President of the United States. Although Mr. Giuliani is a likeable guy with plenty of charisma I believe his political views, which served him well in New York City, will ultimately prevent him from being the President of the United States. In my opinion Rudy Giuliani represents what's wrong with the Corleone party. My issue with Rudy Giuliani has to do with the disingenuous reasoning he offers in support of his liberal views. And more specifically his controversial views on abortion. We've debated the abortion issue in the past and Mr. Giuliani defends state funded abortion on the grounds that it's a "Constitutional Right". We all have different views on abortion and I'm not here to debate that issue but rather the flawed logic of Giuliani's position. Why does the state have to fund abortion simply because it's a constitutional right? We also have a right to bare arms but the government is not required to purchase every citizen a firearm. We have a constitutional right to attend church, but the government is not required to build the church, pay the pastor, and mop the floors. I'm sure anyone in favor of gun control would complain very loudly and cry foul if we all received a revolver from Uncle Sam when we turned 18? If we wanted to tug at the heart strings we could provide guns for anyone who is too poor to afford a gun of their own. This would use the same flawed logic of those who want to provide state funded abortions for the indigent. Ironically, the same man who defends the state government's funding of abortion on constitutional grounds is also in favor of gun control. I thought he was a champion of our constitutional rights and the government funding it? I guess he only defers to our constitutional rights when it fits his political agenda and not because he has a well reasoned view of the law and our rights under the law. He's what used to be known as a flimflam man. When the state gets into funding what many argue is a "private decision" then it becomes a very public decision, since all of us are involved in that mother's choice to abort her baby. And for everyone who believes that abortion is murder by paying taxes that will go toward the agenda of pro-abortionists the taxpayers indirectly fund murder. The hypocrisy of those who defend publicly funded abortions can be illustrated by simply highlighting situations where the state funds actions they disagree with vehemently. That's when we see that it's not about fairness or constitutional rights, but about their political agenda to force everyone to pay for their personal causes. If you're pro-abortion consider how you would feel if the state funded people to block the doors of the abortion clinics and hand out flyers. After all freedom of speech is a constitutional right! And further your tax dollars went toward groups that would follow abortion doctors 24/7 with placards showing aborted babies. I'm guessing you wouldn't like it. The President of the United States swears an oath of allegiance to the Constitution of the United States. If Mr. Giuliani wants to play fast and loose with the Constitution then I have absolutely no faith in him applying the principles upon which it was founded. -Mystery Cookie ** You have my permission to repost this in your blogs, bulletins, etc.

“My issue with Rudy Giuliani has to do with the disingenuous reasoning he offers in support of his liberal views. And more specifically his controversial views on abortion. We've debated the abortion issue in the past and Mr. Giuliani defends state funded abortion on the grounds that it's a "Constitutional Right". We all have different views on abortion and I'm not here to debate that issue but rather the flawed logic of Giuliani's position.”

I’m not convinced that Rudy is the only one being either disingenuous or exercising flawed logic, if he is doing so at all.  First of all, on the issue of abortion itself, his pro-choice view stems from his recognition of the importance of individual freedom.  His personal feelings toward abortion are not warm and fuzzy ones.  It also  bears mentioning that the concept of individual freedom, the freedom to go about your business with as little government intrusion as possible has long been a central tenet of conservatism.  

“Constitutional Right” is quoted, capitalized and referred back to so often that you’d think Mr. Giuliani claimed the right to an abortion was laid right out there in the Bill of Rights by Jefferson himself.  But it wasn’t, and he didn’t.  Surprised?  The fact is, however much you may not like it now (you NEVER know when something may happen to change that fact), women in this country do, in fact, have the legal right to have an abortion if that is what they choose to do.   Mr. Giuliani was not suggesting that we give them away in high schools or set up a booth at the county fair.  He was talking about revoking the Hyde Amendment, which was passed to prevent Medicaid Funds being used to cover abortions, under ANY circumstances, now.  In many states, even women in medical danger are not covered under Medicaid for abortions.  That’s just fucked, in my opionion.  And for all you self-righteous pro-lifers who like to say well abortion is only OK in certain situations like incest and rape.  Well, that’s all well and good if you’re being raped by your wealthy daddy.  But for those indigent 13 year-olds who get knocked up by their crack head uncles or neighbors, or whoever, Medicaid doesn’t pay for shit. 

What really got me was all these people complaining about how their tax dollars should not be used to support something they don’t believe in and consider to be murder.  Um, seriously?  You don’t want your tax dollars paying for a 300 dollar medical procedure, but you don’t mind financing a multi-billion dollar war that’s murdering hundreds of thousands of men, women, children, American soldiers.  And what about the fucking death penalty?  I’m against that.  But the government has no problem using my tax dollars to murder people that way.  Fucking retards.  And these same retards also don’t want their tax dollars being used to support that thirteen year old’s baby either, I guarandamntee you.  But just for the record, it costs way more to tax payers to pay for that same woman’s pre-natal care and labor and delivery. 

It’s hard to even dignify the comparison of Medicaid funded abortions to government provided weaponry with a response.  It’s just not even the same.  Abortion is a medical procedure.  The state already provides medical care.  We’re just talking about not denying access to a medical procedure that is sometimes medically necessary, and sometimes in the best interest of the patient based on some motherfucking bureaucrats idea of morality.  If the shit is legal, then it should be accessible to everyone.  As it is now, the vast majority of unwanted babies are born to the mothers who can least afford to have them.  And then the system simply turns their back. 

I get so sick of reading posts by so many self-righteous people talking about how they would NEVER have an abortion and it is NEVER the right thing and how this fetus has RIGHTS, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah.  It’s really easy to say never when an issue remains at a distance.  I’ve learned never to say never.  It has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass.  There were women who commented on this blog who had the nerve to say that women who were raped and got pregnant should just carry that baby to term and give it up for adoption if they couldn’t handle it.  “It’s not the baby’s fault.”  Fuck you!  Come back and talk to me after you’ve been violated in such a way.  This group of cells has rights?  Well what am I all of a sudden, just some goddamn incubator?  A woman has rights too.  And that’s what seems sadly lost on all these dimwitted fucktards talking about all the promise of this new life from the day of conception.  At what point did women become reduced to mere fetal containers, and the rights of a microscopic group of cells without feelings, without reason, without any of the qualities that make us actual human beings trump ours?  Maybe that woman deserves a little consideration, too.

And for you conditional people, you know who you are, “it’s only ok if they’re raped or this or that”.  Well that shit will never work.  How do you propose we prove the rape?  My rapist went to trial over a year after my assault.  Fat lot of good an abortion would have done me then.  And what about all the rapists who get acquitted?  Doesn't make the woman any less pregnant.  Hell my piece of shit rapist took a plea deal.  Pled to burglary of an unoccupied structure.  Not rape at all.  What then?  And did you know that rapists can actually have parental rights?  That’s the fucked up world we live in. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not a fan of abortion.  I don’t think it’s a fun thing.  I don’t think it’s a choice that any right thinking woman ever makes lightly or easily.  But the idea people have that women are using it as birth control is a misconception.  A ludicrous misconception.  It is an expensive, painful, hard thing for any woman to go through.  But sometimes, it is the best option they have.  And ONLY they can make that decision.  So butt the fuck out.  Geez.

I hate everyone.  I needs to go to the Name.  Spanky where are you!!!!

You Had Me at 'Evil', Cupcake

Oh noes!  Me head is all confused like!  What to do?  What to think?

I’ve always been one to think things through and weigh carefully the options before taking a stance on any issue.  And I try to always have a well thought out opinion prior to opening my mouth.  I think of it as Soundinglikeasshat Risk Management.  I also try to remain flexible in these opinions, though I’m not always terribly successful, as I tend to be pretty passionate when it comes to my beliefs, not the least of which is my unwavering faith in my own infallibility.   But I just saw something that has rattled me to my core. 

Ever since I put any real thought and research into it, I have been 100 percent, completely, absotively, posilutely against the death penalty.  And I’m not fond of genocide, ethnic cleansing, or religious persecution either.  I am also a proponent of free speech and believe that everyone has the right to both have and voice their own opinions.  Even those people whose opinions differ from mine, and so are clearly misguided and wrong.  (If they weren’t free to express them, then nobody could laugh at them until they shamefully see the light and eventually get off the idiot highway, and back to my way.) 

But this crazy bitch I saw today?  Holy hell.  Her opinions aren’t just wrong, they’re toxic.  She calls herself an "evil angel,"  but she's like BFF with the man upstairs.  Look, watch the video, I'm not makin' this shit up!  And she’s procreating like she’s trying to start her own goddamn marching band!  My first thought was, somebody shut her the fuck up.  Ah, but free speech.  Just cause she’s clearly a tard, don’t mean she can’t prove it to the world.  Shit.  Then I thought, somebody take her out!  Run her over, have an “accident” with the 21 gun salute at one of the military funerals she disrupts with her loony blather.  But that would still leave the dastardly brood of little hateful mini-terrorists whose minds she has already fucked.  Small scale genocide?  Goes against everything that I believe in. 

Ah, the irony.  This hateful, loathsome freak of nature continues to live and breathe in this country she admittedly hates only because all the rest of us horrible, doomed-to-hell heathens are better people than she is.  Ain't that some shit.....  Sigh.  And because the soldiers whose funerals she is disrupting with her cheering pickets and protests are serving to give her sorry good-for-nothing ass the freedom to be an insufferable ingrate.  (Is there anything in the Bible about impaling people on picket signs made and displayed in taste that is poor beyond all reason?)  If not, I may know someone who knows a guy.  I'm just sayin'.

If there’s a just God, or such a thing as Karma, these miserable fucks will die a slow and miserable death  of  a broken heart when all eleven of this evil bitch's children come out of the collective closet.  And if there is a hell, Mommy Dearest'll be stoking the fires with her “God Hates Fags” signs for eternity.

Desperately Seeking Molly Whisperer

I've been feeling lonesome lately. A little acutely aware of the fact that I haveth no friendseth. I'm homesick for Tally, though all my friends there have no doubt long since forgotten me and upgraded to a newer and more better model 'manda. I just don't seem to be able to really connect with anyone here. I miss Shane. :o( The others I fear merely tolerate my presence as Chris' other half, and I can't ever seem to relax and be myself around anyone but Dave. I'm too old for this shy bullshit. I am a nice and funny person. Why is it that I no longer am able to speak English and make witty conversation when we are around certain people? I am so intimidated, and it fills me with self-loathing and contempt. I needs me some friends dammit!! I even want someone to go shopping with. That is proof positive of my desperation, for I am not that average mall-crawling girlie-girl. Maybe one of these days.


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So, we watched the Dog Whisperer tonight for some incredibly strange reason. Mostly strange because we have neither a dog nor any intention of obtaining a dog in the foreseeable future. What was funny was how totally fascinated Chris was by him. Now we are on a quest to find a cat whisperer. Molly is in desperate need of psychological help, and now Chris is sure it is out there somewhere. If you hear of anyone, let me know!