It's 5 o'clock (AM) Somewhere

I've had writer's block for quite some time. Every few weeks, I say to myself, "You should really update that blog of yours, woman." And then I can't come up with anything that is particularly witty or insightful that I feel like sharing. Today, I lower my standards. You've been warned.

A few weeks ago, my life changed dramatically with the appearance of two little pink lines on a plastic stick. Leave it to me to experience the most pivotal moment of my life thus far in a bathroom. Questionable atmoshpere notwithstanding, I was pretty immediately very excited. Of course, I was simultaneously completely frappin' terrified, but I'm definitely leaning more towards excited.

Those of you who know me well know that I've never been the most maternal of girls. Now you also know that I love to death my niece and my two nephews. And that I'd do anything in the world for them. Provided that 'anything in the world' does not involve poop, snot, vomit or pretty much any other disgusting bodily fluid. I wish I were exaggerating, but thems the facts, Jack. If there is ANYbody else around, en route, or quickly summonable when disaster strikes, I'm not getting my hands dirty. I've tried it. Don't like it. Almost hurled on a young Brayden once. Learned my lesson. You have to play to your strengths in life. Turns out my strengths lie in feeding them candy and finding funny YouTube videos to watch together. I'm told that the whole diaper dilemma is "different when it's your child." I would love for that to be the case, but I gotta admit, I'm harboring some serious doubt.

I have always thought that being pregnant seemed like, well, a pain in the ass. A little person inside you, making themselves at home, moving and kicking you, making your butt double in size, and then having the nerve to want to come out!?!?! My sister and my friends all talk about how much they LOVED being pregnant. I figured either it was one of those you-had-to-be-there kind of things, or that I was just wired wrong. Because there was not a whole lot about what I witnessed during their pregnancies that looked like a party to me. Well, here I am. Pregnant. And if the last few weeks are any indication, I think I'm gonna have to go with the alternative wiring.

So far, pregnancy has proven to be every bit as uncomfortable and inconvenient as I'd imagined it to be. Between the all-day morning sickness, terrible insomnia, and a newly heightened sense of smell that would make a bloodhound green with envy, I am keeping pretty busy. And still I manage to find the time to pee every 2 or 3 hours. Yeah, Melissa, I can see why you love this so much. This is the stuff dreams are made of. :)

And, oh man, the cravings! Most of the time, nothing in the world sounds even remotely edible to me. But I'm told I have to eat, so I spend a considerable amount of time scrolling through a mental list of every food I've ever tasted and liked even a little bit. Sometimes this is an exercise in futility. Other times, I come up with one very random thing that I suddenly don't think I can survive without for a moment longer. First it was banana peppers. Then it was frozen SmartOnes Ravioli. Last week my nephew gave me my first Sour Patch Kid. I drove to a convenience store late that night to get my own bag. Tonight I ate a bowl of papaya and pineapple, topped with chopped walnuts, shredded cheddar and whipped cream. I know, I know. But it was HEAVENLY! As strange as the cravings are, the aversions are definitely worse. Suddenly things I used to LOVE make me literally ill to even think about. At least I still love salad.

I know I'm doing a lot of complaining here. That's because this mess is rough! It's early days though, so perhaps my views will change as the time goes by. I remain extremely excited about the end result. Not entirely sure what in the world I'm gonna do with this little creature once it gets here, but I know we'll work it out. :) And I know that I have THE greatest bunch of family and friends that I can turn to for answers and support, and for that I am immeasurably grateful this Thanksgiving.