Happy Thanksgiving!

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

- Jon Stewart

WTF just happened??

Holy crap what a horrible, horrible friggin football game.  If you know me, it would be wise not to mention the annihilation that occurred today until I've had sufficient time and therapy to process it.  Seriously, I'm so not up to jokes yet.  Sure, I would have rubbed it in had we won.  But that's what the double standard is all about, right?  The standard is all ...double and shit.  Damn, that sucked somethin' serious. 

Tears for Bobby Pope

RIP, I Heart Iraqis

Words are something that generally come easily to me. So the fact that I’ve been in a futile struggle to find the right ones for over a day now is an odd feeling. I am overcome with emotion that needs to be expressed, but the words simply are not there. As I sit and ponder, fighting a constant battle with tears of frustration and anguish, it occurs to me that perhaps the words in themselves are not the biggest problem. Maybe this inexplicable combination of sorrow, grief, rage, guilt, hopelessness, pride, patriotism, despondency, and utter and total confusion comprising my present countenance is just not meant to be felt at all. Maybe the situation that has borne these feelings is so inherently wrong, so unnatural, that there should need be no words to describe it. No one should have to feel this way in the first place. Things such as this should just not be happening.

A friend died in Iraq this week. He was young, beautiful, funny, and full of life. I didn’t know him for very long, nor did I know him terribly well. But I knew enough of him to care deeply for him, and to know that there are so, so many others out there who care deeply for him as well. He will be greatly missed. His loss is a great one for all of us.

I am angry! I am angry that I can browse MySpace pages at any given time and find soldiers in Iraq whose headlines say things like “The Forgotten,” and who list their occupations as “Prisoner of War.” I am angry that morale is so low there that a soldier remarked on the subject to me just yesterday, “How can you be low on something you don’t have?” I am angry that every single day, the Department of Defense issues yet another press release announcing the name of yet another casualty of this horrible, senseless war. I am angry that these men and women largely ARE ‘The Forgotten’, and many of them, for all practical purposes, ARE prisoners of war.

Many of these men and women have fulfilled their contract. Yet they remain in Iraq. They are there under the notorious stop-loss program, if you can really consider it such. I, personally, consider it breach of contract. They have fulfilled the terms of theirs, yet the government feels that they need not do the same. They are forcing these people to stay in service longer than they agreed to, as if their sacrifice thus far was somehow inadequate, and effectively making them slaves to the system. Or as a very eloquent friend put it, "prisoners of war." The message stop-loss is sending out is that enlistment in the military is a crap shoot in the game of life. What good is a contract when the only enforceable aspect is the part where you sign your life away? Is it any wonder that there are problems with recruiting these days? Even those who LOVED being soldiers, took great pride in it, were proud of what they were doing would no longer have their worst enemy enlist. They are angry, they feel forgotten, they are mad. As well they should be. They are being held essentially captive by the country they loved enough to volunteer to protect.

I have heard it argued by people who make me quite literally homicidal that these guys can’t complain, that they knew what they were signing up for. “They VOLUNTEERED,” I’m told. Yep, they did volunteer. They volunteered so that you didn't have to be drafted in order to preserve our great American way of life. All the more reason they deserve our respect. And all the more reason they deserve to have people making decisions who actually value their lives, and who put them in harms way only when ABSOLUTELY necessary and with the means and the PERMISSION to protect themselves effectively. Right now they have neither. They are caught up in a bureaucratic death trap, and no one over here seems to give too much of a shit. I do not understand it at all.

I am living in a country I recognize less with each passing day. We act like nothing is going on. The casualties are just names on a piece of paper until it is someone we know. Yet the world still stands still every September 11 while we remember a list of people who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. What is wrong with this country? What is wrong with you???? We are over here basking in the ignorant freedom afforded us by these incredibly brave men and women who serve, and the vast majority of us don’t want to open our eyes and see what is really going on. We just stand behind our jackass of a president and gobble up the horseshit propaganda spoon-fed to us by the media like so many helpless pea-brained chicks. Why? Why doesn't anybody care? It doesn't make sense.

We all sit back and think that this war is so far removed, that it does not affect us, that we can not change it. We tell ourselves that it is not our fault. But it IS our fault. Every one of us who enjoy the freedoms that are afforded us by the constitution these men and women signed on to defend, we are culpable. We elected this president. We elected the congress. We sit idly by while this travesty of a war plays out. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said in his "Letter From Birmingham City Jail", "We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people." We are culpable.

The truth is out there. The soldiers are talking. Why isn’t anyone listening? Why, WHY won’t somebody make it stop?

to Bobby Pope, Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for your sacrifice. You will never be forgotten. To the rest of my POW's, (and you know who you are), you have my eternal respect, love, and gratitude. I am PROUD to call you all friends, prouder than you know.

Liberty, Justice and Vibrators for All

Found this online, and laughed like crazy. She makes a good point, though. Enjoy.

Liberty, Justice and Vibrators for All

It occurs to me tonight, that most civilians probably have no idea what it feels like to know your sex life is completely under the control of the United States Army. I, unfortunately do. My boyfriend has been overseas for almost a year now. And let me just say, there is a very good reason the Army calls it a 'HARDship tour'. He won't be able to come home for midtour leave until Christmas either. And of course they can't even promise he'll come home then.

So...what's a girl to do, people ask. Aside from buying my batteries at Sam's Club in bulk, and ordering many toys off the internet, I have to rely on my boyfriend to know when I've had all I can take and call me for a very intimate conversation.

However, when going over my last few bank statements, I've come to the conclusion that I'm spending way too much money on sex toys and porn. Now granted, I do have a libido that, if properly harnessed, could provide enough electricity for a small country, but I'm sure all this pent up sexual frustration is a common problem with military wives and girlfriends.

The military makes it known that it is extremely important for the mental stability of soldiers that their women stay faithful while they are deployed...not that most of us wouldn't anyway. They even have special pin ceremonies, performed by the chaplain, wherein the soldier and his girlfriend pledge to remain faithful to each other during their separation.

Therefore, my question to the Army and the policy makers of our government is this...If our celibacy is so damn important to you, could you at the very least consider passing out 'survival kits' to the women left behind when you take our men away for years at a time?


Kits should include:

1 industrial strength vibrator (you guys build and operate powerful equipment...make us some heavy duty Army issued camouflage vibrators)

A card to present to the cashier at the PX (or any discount store) which guarantees us free batteries and lube for the duration of our soldier's deployment

And a stack of patches to sew on the *** of all our pants/skirts/shorts, that reads: "PROPERTY OF (insert soldier's rank and name), PROTECTED BY THE UNITED STATES ARMY". That way every guy who checks out our *** knows it belongs to someone who carries a big gun and isn't afraid to use it. It should also be a finable offense for a guy to persistantly hit on a girl if she is wearing one of these patches. (It never ceases to amaze me just how many low-lifes there are out there who will try to convince girls that they're wasting their lives waiting for a soldier to return home...that the girl would be much happier and more satisfied with THEM. Yeah, right...like that kind of bullshit would work on a girl like me!)

Adding some guaranteed 'alone time' on the phone with our soldier at least once a month would also be a huge bonus for all involved. (And I bet the boost in morale would benefit the mission as well.) There would need to be a small private room in every camp, a closet would even work, (nothing fancy, just a phone, a bottle of lotion, some tissues and a comfy chair). The guys could sign up for time whenever they weren't on missions or training.

I'll leave ya'll with this question...if the government isn't going to subsidize my sex toys, can I at least write them off on my taxes as a contribution to the military?

Got Coke?

Ok, so it isn't exactly a blog.  But it sure is funny!

The text on the poster says, "I'm not saying I've used cocaine.  But if I did, it was merely a 'youthful indiscretion'.  Today I'm clean.  And I'm tough on crime.  So if I catch you using coke, I don't want to hear any of that 'youthful indiscretion' nonsense.  I'm throwing your crack-addicted ass in prison.  That's not hypocrisy.  That's politics."

Moving On

The things that are good for you in life are seldom ever easy. The healthy food tastes like so much crap. Bettering yourself through exercise or education, well, it's hard work. And saying goodbye to someone you love, even though you know they are bringing you down, hurts.

I lost a friend tonight. A friend I believed I'd have forever. Turns out, I was wrong. I've 'lost' this friend in the past, only to find myself right back there again. But this time is different. This time I am not crying as much. This time I'm through fighting. I am just so tired. Too tired to ever try again.

There was a time when I could trust him. A time when happiness wasn't completely realized until it was shared with him. A time where his advice was indispensible, rock-solid, and so right most of the time. But things are different now.

He has hurt me more than any one person ever has. He lied and lied until I honestly believe he could no longer discern truth. That's what happens to habitual liars. You can only live surrounded by untruth for so long before it eventually becomes pathological. Deception infects you and grows like a fast-spreading cancer until there is no part of your life, no corner of your soul left untainted. Trust can not be destroyed and rebuilt an infinite number of times. There are limits. I reached mine with him a long time ago. I was naive enough to think we could be friends.

I have defended my actions and my feelings for the last time. I have listened to the Today's Special list of my featured faults one last time, and I realize that the person on the other end of the phone has no idea who I am. Three years, and all he knows of me is the character he has created in his mind that made it justifiable for him to treat me the way that he did. Why did he lie to me? My fault. I shouldn't have been upset when he told me about the other woman he was fucking. He believed that the fact that he was honest when he could have lied should give him absolution, spare him the discomfort of seeing me cry, of seeing the effects of his actions. I should have been grateful that he was honest. For him, the offending action was that of confession, not that which was the subject of said confession. He couldn't tell me the truth anymore, because I didn't know how to react with the appropriate amount of gratitude.

It is somewhat relieving that i do not have to be wrong all the time anymore. I will miss the good times that we had. But I look forward to better. I deserve better. I don't need him anymore. I'm realizing now that I never really did.

Halloween in Mayberry

I picked the category News and Politics, though I'm not sure this is really even news, or that it deserves to be considered politics. But MySpace doesn't have a blog category for Inane Self-Righteous Bullshit, so until that great day comes, or I escape the piles and piles I am surrounded by, I guess I'll have to call it whatever I can.

I was watching the always fascinating local news tonight, quite by accident, when I heard what appeared to be a SNL skit, making fun of Southerners in our little southern towns and their deeply ingrained paranoia of anything that is different from them in any way. But, it was not a joke. It was real. Somebody, I am not sure exactly who the offending idiot was, has proposed that for Halloween night, all registered sex offenders be subject to a one-night curfew. That way all the little kiddies can Trick or Treat in peace, and parents can have a "night off from worrying". I shit you not, some lady said that mess on the news. Verbatim. Apparently on previous, unregulated Halloween nights, kids were being assaulted in the streets by Registered Sex Offenders dressed as humans. But these fine folks, who will incidentally be going out this year dressed as Constitution-Abiding, Freedom and Justice-for-all Pledging Americans, have the solution for that. Lock up the three hundred and some odd registered sex offenders and 17 sexual predators here in the county, and little Johnny goes unmolested about his candy-hunt, and mom and dad can just relax. Because, though they may have no respect for the law that says they shouldn't rape and pillage, they know better than to fuck with the BCSO and their curfew.

There is so much so wrong with this little scheme. First, you have a group of people, the vast majority of whom are non-offending at this time, who are already struggling to pick up the pieces of their lives and start over. Some of the people on this list are, like a guy I work with, teenaged boys, who make the list for having non-forcible, though legally non-consensual sex with their underage consenting girlfriend. They are registered for life for something that I did when I was underage with no repercussions. And let me tell you, if that dude has to stay home from work tomorrow night cause of this silly curfew, and I get stuck doing his share of the work, I will be beyond pissed! Not all registered sex offenders deserve to be registered sex offenders. But even for those who did truly earn the title, this curfew is not an answer, and it's not fair.

Number one, if they are not on probation, they have paid their debt to society. They have to register with the law and report their addresses so their forward thinking neighbors can come and harrass the living shit out of them. And in this environment, they have to try to find a job. As you can imagine, a lot of people aren't keen on hiring ex-cons, and a lot of such people end up in service jobs that require their working at night, like half the kitchen staff of the little seafood place I once worked. A curfew like this could cost some their jobs. It isn't fair.

The fact that this parent and others immediately jump on the registered sex offenders bandwagon and see it as a solution to the problem of violence against children is ludicrous. You don't need to be registered to commit a sex crime. The man who raped me is STILL not registered, thanks to a plea bargain, and I was his second conviction. But before they were registered, even the actual dangerous registered predators on the list were just an ordinary guy (or gal ) committing an ordinary sexual offense. Locking up these 300 people will not make your children safe. Being WITH them will. Watching them will. And it's ONE night! What will you do tomorrow? Locking these people up every time we get uncomfortable is simply not an option. Like it or not, this is America, and they do have rights.

The criminal justice system in this state, and many others, is fundamentally flawed. This list that is supposed to be part of the solution to sexual violence, is screwed up to the point of virtual uselessness as a result. You can't look at that list and even begin to tell what crime that person actually committed. My rapist pled out to "burglary of an unoccupied structure," the irony of which still gets to me. Would you be afraid to allow your kids around that guy? He raped me as an adult. He raped a four year old before me, a few months shy of his 18th birthday. And people would be more afraid to have their kids around my friend from work, whose crime was consensual sex with his girlfriend, statutory rape, merely because his name appears on a list it doesn't belong on and my rapist's does not. That's a messed up system. And it's only getting worse, because names don't come off that list, they just go on. The list grows and grows. In addition to the REAL threats that parents may NEED to be aware of are hundreds that pose no threat, and you can't even determine what their actual offense was, because that is not listed. Only whatever they ended up pleading guilty to. The list for Bay County is at 300 now. How many names will you have to search blindly through in a couple of years?

Christianity, a la carte

So, originally part of another VERY long blog, (thank you Byron), and still a work in progress, I have decided to give relious hypocrisy its own page. In case you didn't catch the first installment, I am irritated. By all the hypocrisy of the far right in this country. SO, I'm gonna take a look at a little of it, and tell all you lucky people what I think!

First of all, I do not assume that everyone is Christian and knows the Bible, or for that matter that every Christian even knows the Bible. It is the fact that most really DON'T, that has allowed governments across the ages to control the populus with its "divine" commandments from God. I will therefore begin my discussion of religious hypocrisy with a quick review of the Ten Commandments. (The biblical imperatives, not the film.) I choose the Decalogue because it is the one section of the Bible, the one set of rules that seems to be consensually regarded as still applicable. The many hundreds of other laws, such as the stoning to death of a non-virgin bride, the whipping of slaves, and impurity that can only be cleansed with death, MOST modern Christians feel no longer apply to them. A la carte Christianity. But since adherence to the Ten Commandments is regarded pretty much universally as the foundation of a good Christian life, lets just take a brief look. This should be much more convenient than driving to your local courthouse and being subjected to a body cavity search in order to gain entry and read them on the walls of justice.

1. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

It has been argued of late that our ENTIRE legal system is based on these Ten Commandments. Horseshit. The first freedom in this country is the freedom of religion. That is in stark contrast to the first commandment, now isn’t it? Rest on the Sabbath? For who? Bankers and Chick-Fil-A employees? Even churches employ people on Sunday. All of the minestry, child-care workers, musicians, are they all somehow exempt from this commandment? I didn't read that anywhere in the book. And heaven knows how the church crowd likes to eat out afterwards. The rest of us have to eat lunch at 10:30 just to avoid the crowd. If it is sinful to work on Sunday, wouldn't it follow that it would be sinful to engage in activities that cause others to work on that day as well? If not, then you guys who frequent strip clubs ought to be home free. After all, you're not the ones shakin' it fast now are you? Ah, but I digress. Seems that straying from the point may be contagious. Fact is, if there are facts when it comes to this, that half of the commandments don't appear anywhere in our laws. They are purely religious in nature. The half that do are principles common to nearly every religion, and can be found in many codes of law, both secular and religious - even some that predate the Ten Commandments. Thou shalt not kill is not wrong because it is in the Commandments. It is in the Commandments because it is wrong. It's a chicken and egg type thing, only with an answer.

(to be continued shortly...until then, stay off your neighbor's ox, and for heaven's sake don't covet his manservant's ass)

The End Times Are a Coming and Hell is Gonna Be Crowded

You know, nothing works my nerves quite like having complete strangers attempt to save my mortal soul. You know the type. They always have some little pocket-sized book with the path to righteousness plainly mapped out in four or five 2x3 pages. Apparently, these folks are in the Express Lane to nirvana, I mean have you seen the size of the Book everyone else is carrying? No wonder these check-out line prophets are becoming so numerous. I, personally, find it terribly intrusive to imply that I am a wayward sinner and go about inquiring as to the state of my spiritual affairs before you've even bought me dinner. Unfortunately, this sort of thing always seems to happen to me when I am in no position to protest, for instance while at work. (I’m in customer service. Pretty sure rebuking a customer’s chosen deity would not fall on the "good" end of that spectrum.) Not to mention, heathen though I may be, I do my damnedest to respect my elders. Then there is the ever-present and not insignificant fear, in my present surroundings, of the possibility of being burned in effigy at the proverbial stake should I deign to question THE one and only southern-fried God. You know, part of me is marginally impressed, once I recover from the initial shock and awe of this self-righteous social effrontery. It does take a sizable pair of cojones to start a conversation like that. I have struggled for uncomfortable minutes to find the words simply to tell someone their fly is down. How much more stressful must it be to advise someone that they are in fact on a one way pleasure cruise to hell! People have a nasty tendency to wanna shoot the messenger.

So last night at work I had one of these ballsy bible-thumpers as a customer. I just smiled unconfortably and nodded as she blessed me, my family, the diabetes I or anyone I know may have in the future, her groceries and pretty much everyone else within earshot who made the colossal mistake of standing too close, too long. (Though this post is written in jest, I am not exaggerating about the extent of the blessings.) She then said to me, “He’s coming back soon, you know,” and, a little confused, I in all sincerity reply, "Who, Daniel (co-worker)? No, he’s got an hour for lunch today. Is there something I can help you with?" And she just looks at me and says, “Jesus is coming back. He really is. Get ready,” all with this fascinating smug and knowing smile on her face. As if she were privy to some special knowledge the rest of us were not. You'd have thought the Savior Himself had just hit her up on the Direct Connect while she was browsing the produce section. Some nerve she has! How does she know I’m not already ready? What exactly was it about the way I look, or the way I smiled and asked “Did you find everything okay?” that screamed heathen to her? For all she knew, I could have Him on the Nextel, too. Now I'll admit, if Jesus were to come knocking today, he’d probably have to wait on the porch for just a minute while I hurriedly shoved all my dirty clothes in the closet and stuffed all the books cluttering my bed underneath it. I also look a hot mess, as I’m still in pjs and haven’t showered yet this morning. But as surely Jesus understands, that’s a risk you take when you drop in unannounced. Surely He would call first! I mean, look at how far in advance He got Revelations out there. Seems to be on top of things to me. ;o) So, I kid, but those encounters do make me incredibly uncomfortable. I'm pretty shy, as it is, and do well to make small talk. Discussing religion with a total stranger is just not something I'm up to. And I really do wonder why they're always after me!?! I'm a choir girl compared to some of my other 'colleagues'.

So that’s last night. Fresh on the heels of this revelation, I come across some of the lamest crap I’ve seen on myspace yet. Some ignorant snot-nosed 19 year old has posted this ludicrous diatribe written by “FRED”, whoever the hell that moron is, which is ostensibly about slavery reparations, but uses this platform to expound upon every negative racial stereotype there is, and spew his hateful racist venom across the world wide web. I’m debating on whether I should repost it here, so you all can see how NOT to talk to me, what NOT to say to me, and how NOT to think if you want to remain my friend. I decided to just post the link. You can check out his horseshit and my comment, until he deletes it anyway, at

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&friendID=28272475

**update: my scathing comment was deleted pretty much immediately. And both of his most hateful blogs shortly thereafter. Eeen-teresting. **

Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but those with hateful racist ones have no place in my life. If you are stupid enough to judge a person at first glance by the color of their skin, treat them badly accordingly, and are so myopic in your thinking that you can’t even fathom for a moment another person’s DIFFERENT experience of life, well then you have nothing to offer me. And if you’re Christian and racist, like this cat no doubt proclaims himself to be, I have even less time for you. Because that makes you not only stupid, but also a hypocrite, two social afflictions that I find insufferable.

I’m tired of all the hypocrisy that fills my world every single day, from the moment I wake up and read the paper, to the moment I turn off the computer and go to bed. Currently, the hypocrites who are pissing me off the most are the ultra right-wing conservative evangelicals. Hypocrites. A la carte Christians. Like the disgusting Westboro Baptist clan, for example. Somehow their Bibles must read different than mine. And they seem to feel that only some of the rules the rest of us faithfully follow apply to them, that they can pick the ones they're okay with following, use them to persecute and condemn others, and just ignore the rest. But that's a whole 'nother, not at all funny story. And I gotta go to class. Later, taters!

I'm Going to be an Uncle! or A Boy Named Amand-o?

Was already an aunt, thanks to Daisy and Haylee. Melissa found out today that she is having a boy this time. So, I guess naming it after me is out of the question. Damn. Still, I'm going to be an aunt AGAIN. How exciting is that?!?!?!

Maybe one day I'll meet a guy who doesn't suck and have my own kids. 'Til then I'll just continue living vicariously through my little sister. Much cheaper and less painful this way.