Was Lost but Now am Found?

I remember sitting in the chair in my parents’ living room, a couple of days out of the hospital, and listening as my Pastor told me that I had a purpose. That there was a reason I was still here, and that I could choose to find it, or to give in to the sadness, to the depression and give up on life. I remember thinking how ridiculous that sounded. A purpose? I had finally found my purpose. And I was planning her funeral that very moment. I doubted very seriously that I would ever find any good in this, the most horrible thing I had ever experienced. And then the other night, I was sitting on the porch, just enjoying the breeze and the quiet, and it came to me. Something I could do to help other people who were where I was a couple of weeks ago. A way I could remember my daughter and use my experience to bring even some small measure of comfort to others. And for the first time in weeks, I got excited. I had found my passion again. And maybe even a new purpose.




While still in the hospital recovering from surgery and still barely comprehending the totality of my loss, a family member gave me a copy of the book Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo. This is a non-fiction book which recounts a very sick little boy's descriptions of his visit to heaven. Amongst other very compelling arguments for the existence of Heaven, the 4 year old describes meeting and playing with the sister he never knew he had, a baby that his mother had miscarried long before his birth. At a time when my faith was faltering, to say the very least, I cried tears of joy as I began to accept the fact that my little girl, too, was now in Heaven. And the idea that I would one day get to see her again, to hold her, and to finally have answers to all the "what might have been's" that so haunted my every thought brought me more comfort than I could possibly convey in words. I would like very much to make this incredible book available to other families who are faced with the loss of their precious infant. A memorial fund has been established, and the money collected will be used to purchase and donate, in Finlay's memory, copies of the book to area hospitals. It is my goal, through the help of friends and working with hospital grief counselors, to be able to offer every woman who faces this tragic loss a copy of this book. In this way I hope to help other families who are in crisis, to find some good in my own devastation, and to keep the memory of my beloved daughter alive. I would very much appreciate your help in making this happen. Donations can be made through PayPal by clicking the “Donate Now” button below, or directly to me or my parents. Feel free to email with any questions, or for a mailing address.  Please help, if you can.  I believe this can really make a difference.  No donation is too small.