Halloween in Mayberry

I picked the category News and Politics, though I'm not sure this is really even news, or that it deserves to be considered politics. But MySpace doesn't have a blog category for Inane Self-Righteous Bullshit, so until that great day comes, or I escape the piles and piles I am surrounded by, I guess I'll have to call it whatever I can.

I was watching the always fascinating local news tonight, quite by accident, when I heard what appeared to be a SNL skit, making fun of Southerners in our little southern towns and their deeply ingrained paranoia of anything that is different from them in any way. But, it was not a joke. It was real. Somebody, I am not sure exactly who the offending idiot was, has proposed that for Halloween night, all registered sex offenders be subject to a one-night curfew. That way all the little kiddies can Trick or Treat in peace, and parents can have a "night off from worrying". I shit you not, some lady said that mess on the news. Verbatim. Apparently on previous, unregulated Halloween nights, kids were being assaulted in the streets by Registered Sex Offenders dressed as humans. But these fine folks, who will incidentally be going out this year dressed as Constitution-Abiding, Freedom and Justice-for-all Pledging Americans, have the solution for that. Lock up the three hundred and some odd registered sex offenders and 17 sexual predators here in the county, and little Johnny goes unmolested about his candy-hunt, and mom and dad can just relax. Because, though they may have no respect for the law that says they shouldn't rape and pillage, they know better than to fuck with the BCSO and their curfew.

There is so much so wrong with this little scheme. First, you have a group of people, the vast majority of whom are non-offending at this time, who are already struggling to pick up the pieces of their lives and start over. Some of the people on this list are, like a guy I work with, teenaged boys, who make the list for having non-forcible, though legally non-consensual sex with their underage consenting girlfriend. They are registered for life for something that I did when I was underage with no repercussions. And let me tell you, if that dude has to stay home from work tomorrow night cause of this silly curfew, and I get stuck doing his share of the work, I will be beyond pissed! Not all registered sex offenders deserve to be registered sex offenders. But even for those who did truly earn the title, this curfew is not an answer, and it's not fair.

Number one, if they are not on probation, they have paid their debt to society. They have to register with the law and report their addresses so their forward thinking neighbors can come and harrass the living shit out of them. And in this environment, they have to try to find a job. As you can imagine, a lot of people aren't keen on hiring ex-cons, and a lot of such people end up in service jobs that require their working at night, like half the kitchen staff of the little seafood place I once worked. A curfew like this could cost some their jobs. It isn't fair.

The fact that this parent and others immediately jump on the registered sex offenders bandwagon and see it as a solution to the problem of violence against children is ludicrous. You don't need to be registered to commit a sex crime. The man who raped me is STILL not registered, thanks to a plea bargain, and I was his second conviction. But before they were registered, even the actual dangerous registered predators on the list were just an ordinary guy (or gal ) committing an ordinary sexual offense. Locking up these 300 people will not make your children safe. Being WITH them will. Watching them will. And it's ONE night! What will you do tomorrow? Locking these people up every time we get uncomfortable is simply not an option. Like it or not, this is America, and they do have rights.

The criminal justice system in this state, and many others, is fundamentally flawed. This list that is supposed to be part of the solution to sexual violence, is screwed up to the point of virtual uselessness as a result. You can't look at that list and even begin to tell what crime that person actually committed. My rapist pled out to "burglary of an unoccupied structure," the irony of which still gets to me. Would you be afraid to allow your kids around that guy? He raped me as an adult. He raped a four year old before me, a few months shy of his 18th birthday. And people would be more afraid to have their kids around my friend from work, whose crime was consensual sex with his girlfriend, statutory rape, merely because his name appears on a list it doesn't belong on and my rapist's does not. That's a messed up system. And it's only getting worse, because names don't come off that list, they just go on. The list grows and grows. In addition to the REAL threats that parents may NEED to be aware of are hundreds that pose no threat, and you can't even determine what their actual offense was, because that is not listed. Only whatever they ended up pleading guilty to. The list for Bay County is at 300 now. How many names will you have to search blindly through in a couple of years?

Christianity, a la carte

So, originally part of another VERY long blog, (thank you Byron), and still a work in progress, I have decided to give relious hypocrisy its own page. In case you didn't catch the first installment, I am irritated. By all the hypocrisy of the far right in this country. SO, I'm gonna take a look at a little of it, and tell all you lucky people what I think!

First of all, I do not assume that everyone is Christian and knows the Bible, or for that matter that every Christian even knows the Bible. It is the fact that most really DON'T, that has allowed governments across the ages to control the populus with its "divine" commandments from God. I will therefore begin my discussion of religious hypocrisy with a quick review of the Ten Commandments. (The biblical imperatives, not the film.) I choose the Decalogue because it is the one section of the Bible, the one set of rules that seems to be consensually regarded as still applicable. The many hundreds of other laws, such as the stoning to death of a non-virgin bride, the whipping of slaves, and impurity that can only be cleansed with death, MOST modern Christians feel no longer apply to them. A la carte Christianity. But since adherence to the Ten Commandments is regarded pretty much universally as the foundation of a good Christian life, lets just take a brief look. This should be much more convenient than driving to your local courthouse and being subjected to a body cavity search in order to gain entry and read them on the walls of justice.

1. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

It has been argued of late that our ENTIRE legal system is based on these Ten Commandments. Horseshit. The first freedom in this country is the freedom of religion. That is in stark contrast to the first commandment, now isn’t it? Rest on the Sabbath? For who? Bankers and Chick-Fil-A employees? Even churches employ people on Sunday. All of the minestry, child-care workers, musicians, are they all somehow exempt from this commandment? I didn't read that anywhere in the book. And heaven knows how the church crowd likes to eat out afterwards. The rest of us have to eat lunch at 10:30 just to avoid the crowd. If it is sinful to work on Sunday, wouldn't it follow that it would be sinful to engage in activities that cause others to work on that day as well? If not, then you guys who frequent strip clubs ought to be home free. After all, you're not the ones shakin' it fast now are you? Ah, but I digress. Seems that straying from the point may be contagious. Fact is, if there are facts when it comes to this, that half of the commandments don't appear anywhere in our laws. They are purely religious in nature. The half that do are principles common to nearly every religion, and can be found in many codes of law, both secular and religious - even some that predate the Ten Commandments. Thou shalt not kill is not wrong because it is in the Commandments. It is in the Commandments because it is wrong. It's a chicken and egg type thing, only with an answer.

(to be continued shortly...until then, stay off your neighbor's ox, and for heaven's sake don't covet his manservant's ass)

The End Times Are a Coming and Hell is Gonna Be Crowded

You know, nothing works my nerves quite like having complete strangers attempt to save my mortal soul. You know the type. They always have some little pocket-sized book with the path to righteousness plainly mapped out in four or five 2x3 pages. Apparently, these folks are in the Express Lane to nirvana, I mean have you seen the size of the Book everyone else is carrying? No wonder these check-out line prophets are becoming so numerous. I, personally, find it terribly intrusive to imply that I am a wayward sinner and go about inquiring as to the state of my spiritual affairs before you've even bought me dinner. Unfortunately, this sort of thing always seems to happen to me when I am in no position to protest, for instance while at work. (I’m in customer service. Pretty sure rebuking a customer’s chosen deity would not fall on the "good" end of that spectrum.) Not to mention, heathen though I may be, I do my damnedest to respect my elders. Then there is the ever-present and not insignificant fear, in my present surroundings, of the possibility of being burned in effigy at the proverbial stake should I deign to question THE one and only southern-fried God. You know, part of me is marginally impressed, once I recover from the initial shock and awe of this self-righteous social effrontery. It does take a sizable pair of cojones to start a conversation like that. I have struggled for uncomfortable minutes to find the words simply to tell someone their fly is down. How much more stressful must it be to advise someone that they are in fact on a one way pleasure cruise to hell! People have a nasty tendency to wanna shoot the messenger.

So last night at work I had one of these ballsy bible-thumpers as a customer. I just smiled unconfortably and nodded as she blessed me, my family, the diabetes I or anyone I know may have in the future, her groceries and pretty much everyone else within earshot who made the colossal mistake of standing too close, too long. (Though this post is written in jest, I am not exaggerating about the extent of the blessings.) She then said to me, “He’s coming back soon, you know,” and, a little confused, I in all sincerity reply, "Who, Daniel (co-worker)? No, he’s got an hour for lunch today. Is there something I can help you with?" And she just looks at me and says, “Jesus is coming back. He really is. Get ready,” all with this fascinating smug and knowing smile on her face. As if she were privy to some special knowledge the rest of us were not. You'd have thought the Savior Himself had just hit her up on the Direct Connect while she was browsing the produce section. Some nerve she has! How does she know I’m not already ready? What exactly was it about the way I look, or the way I smiled and asked “Did you find everything okay?” that screamed heathen to her? For all she knew, I could have Him on the Nextel, too. Now I'll admit, if Jesus were to come knocking today, he’d probably have to wait on the porch for just a minute while I hurriedly shoved all my dirty clothes in the closet and stuffed all the books cluttering my bed underneath it. I also look a hot mess, as I’m still in pjs and haven’t showered yet this morning. But as surely Jesus understands, that’s a risk you take when you drop in unannounced. Surely He would call first! I mean, look at how far in advance He got Revelations out there. Seems to be on top of things to me. ;o) So, I kid, but those encounters do make me incredibly uncomfortable. I'm pretty shy, as it is, and do well to make small talk. Discussing religion with a total stranger is just not something I'm up to. And I really do wonder why they're always after me!?! I'm a choir girl compared to some of my other 'colleagues'.

So that’s last night. Fresh on the heels of this revelation, I come across some of the lamest crap I’ve seen on myspace yet. Some ignorant snot-nosed 19 year old has posted this ludicrous diatribe written by “FRED”, whoever the hell that moron is, which is ostensibly about slavery reparations, but uses this platform to expound upon every negative racial stereotype there is, and spew his hateful racist venom across the world wide web. I’m debating on whether I should repost it here, so you all can see how NOT to talk to me, what NOT to say to me, and how NOT to think if you want to remain my friend. I decided to just post the link. You can check out his horseshit and my comment, until he deletes it anyway, at

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&friendID=28272475

**update: my scathing comment was deleted pretty much immediately. And both of his most hateful blogs shortly thereafter. Eeen-teresting. **

Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but those with hateful racist ones have no place in my life. If you are stupid enough to judge a person at first glance by the color of their skin, treat them badly accordingly, and are so myopic in your thinking that you can’t even fathom for a moment another person’s DIFFERENT experience of life, well then you have nothing to offer me. And if you’re Christian and racist, like this cat no doubt proclaims himself to be, I have even less time for you. Because that makes you not only stupid, but also a hypocrite, two social afflictions that I find insufferable.

I’m tired of all the hypocrisy that fills my world every single day, from the moment I wake up and read the paper, to the moment I turn off the computer and go to bed. Currently, the hypocrites who are pissing me off the most are the ultra right-wing conservative evangelicals. Hypocrites. A la carte Christians. Like the disgusting Westboro Baptist clan, for example. Somehow their Bibles must read different than mine. And they seem to feel that only some of the rules the rest of us faithfully follow apply to them, that they can pick the ones they're okay with following, use them to persecute and condemn others, and just ignore the rest. But that's a whole 'nother, not at all funny story. And I gotta go to class. Later, taters!

I'm Going to be an Uncle! or A Boy Named Amand-o?

Was already an aunt, thanks to Daisy and Haylee. Melissa found out today that she is having a boy this time. So, I guess naming it after me is out of the question. Damn. Still, I'm going to be an aunt AGAIN. How exciting is that?!?!?!

Maybe one day I'll meet a guy who doesn't suck and have my own kids. 'Til then I'll just continue living vicariously through my little sister. Much cheaper and less painful this way.

What's Love Got to Do with It?

What DOES love got to do with it? Not a damned thing as far as I can tell. I am sick and I am tired of men running around crying about how nice guys finish last and women are just so impossible to understand. According to them, women, the lot of us, are fickle, irrational, needy, insecure, etc., etc., etc. You know what FELLAS? If the woman in your life is a little insecure, if she is needy, if she has some trust issues, odds are you have another member of your own gender to thank for it.

Most women I know want three basic things from a man. Sometimes all from the same man, sometimes we'll settle for just numbers 2 and 3 from the wrong man. First, when we give you our love, we want to be loved back. Not fixed, rescued, or possessed. Just L-O-V-E love. That's it. Just that simple, show us you love us, and be fucking consistent about it. You'd be amazed at how far a little consistency will go towards eliminating that insecurity you guys so love to hate.

Second, whether we want you, in particular, to love us or not, we always want to be treated with respect. Do I need to spell that one out, too? Surely you've all heard Aretha do it, and I promise she sings considerably better than I do. So, I'm sure you all know the word, but as for the concept? If you say you're going to call or be somewhere, then you'd damn well better call or show up. If for some reason you can't make it or call when you said you were going to, find some way to communicate that fact as soon as you can get to a phone, computer, carrier pigeon, hell - in this information age, there is simply no excuse for leaving someone hanging. It's just plain inconsiderate. You wouldn't treat your colleagues or friends that way. (It does seem like anyone you're even hoping to share a bed with would merit at least an equal amount of courtesy and consideration.) If you make plans, follow through. If something better, more appealing comes up, then be honest, and be prepared for the consequences. Blowing someone off for something better sends a certain message. And people have the right to react to that message. You may find yourself reprioritized right out of their life. But that's their choice. Not yours. Cancelling plans with someone so you can go meet someone new, and making up some lame excuse so as to not burn bridges is fucked up something serious. If and when you're screwing around, SHE is the one who gets to decide whether your ass ever sees the other side of that bridge again. Not you. Simple enough concept.

Which brings us to number three. Women want some action. We have needs just like our sometimes neolithic counterparts. We appreciate being well provided for in that arena every bit as much as you guys do. While certainly an important part of any committed relationship, sometimes we just have an itch that needs to be scratched, no strings attached, and seems to me some of you should be thanking your lucky stars we chose you to do the scratching. But all of a sudden you feel the need to lie. To fabricate some pseudo-relationship in which you really care, and you want us to be your girlfriend, and you can lay it on really thick. You may scare us off right from the jump, or you may actually wear us down, and all of a sudden we find ourselves swept away in the romance of it all, and we allow ourselves to care - the last thing we were looking to do. And then you get your wild monkey loving. And you forget how to use the telephone. And you start lying even more about what's going on. We thought you were a good guy. We don't understand what is going on. It doesn't make sense. All of a sudden, we're the ones chasing you? This is a pain in the ass for everyone. You're crying to your friends about the crazy bitch who won't leave you alone. They're giving you the high fives about how you must have really put it down. We're crying into our pillow over this supposed "boyfriend" who played us for a fool. It doesn't have to be that way. Had you been honest from the start about what you were really looking for, you would be the lucky motherfucker who was getting laid up down and sideways by a woman free from all the expectations, inhibitions, and emotional baggage of a relationship. Your loss, I promise. There is more than enough dick to go around. But a good woman is a little harder to come by. If you're out for some ass, just be out for some ass. Don't insult us with your condescending, patronizing hearts and flowers bullshit. We can either deal with such a relationship, or we can't. But you can't decide that for us. Give us credit for being grown-ups, and we will act like them. And you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.

SOOO, the next time the woman in your life is toting a little more emotional baggage than is convenient for you, take a look around. Those lying, cheating, ball-scratching, beer-belching neanderthals you call friends are the source of many of the various neuroses you wish to attribute to her today. Then take a long hard look in the mirror and see if you're not starting to look a lot like them. And then ask yourself what you plan to do to change it.

*DISCLAIMER* Obviously there are many men out there who are more evolved than those discussed in this diatribe. This, clearly, would not be intended for you. You are much appreciated by those women of us who are tired of being treated like a bunch of silly school girls by men who have no clue what it is that they want. Keep it up, and there is an eternally grateful woman in your future. Karma isn't ALWAYS a bitch.

What Gets Senator Siplin's Knickers in a Twist

This is for real.  This is what we’re paying our lawmakers to do.  Tackle the real issues.  Like the “indecent wearing of underwear”.  Don’t know about you, but I’ve long been troubled by the vulgarity of people’s “exposed covered sexual organs”, and I think it is high time we start locking these indecent panty-pushers up.  Sure, prosecuting these dangerous offenders will cost those of us who proudly wear our pants and pay our taxes substantially more than the $50 fine Joe Boxer will be paying.  But can you really put a price on the deep sense of security that accompanies the knowledge that all the exposed asses in Florida will be finally be confined to the Capitol? J I have included the text of this important piece of legislative genius for your reading enjoyment. 

 

Hope you have a great day!

Amanda   

 

PS. And remember, if you’re planning to expose your covered sexual organs today, just make sure it’s done in a decent, non-vulgar manner.  I’d recommend a Speedo. Those have always been the epitome of taste and sophistication.   

 

 

 

Florida Senate - 2005                                  Senate Bill  SB 2260

 

    By Senator Siplin

     19-1538A-05

 

  1                      A bill to be entitled

 

  2         An act relating to the indecent wearing of

 

  3         below-waist underwear; creating s. 800.035,

 

  4         F.S.; providing that a person may not expose

 

  5         below-waist underwear in a specified manner;

 

  6         providing criminal penalties; providing an

 

  7         effective date.

 

  8 

 

  9  Be It Enacted by the Legislature of the State of Florida:

 

10 

 

11         Section 1.  Section 800.035, Florida Statutes, is

 

12  created to read:

 

13         800.035  Exposure of undergarments.--

 

14         (1)  A person may not wear and expose below-waist

 

15  underwear in a public place in a manner that exposes or

 

16  exhibits one's covered or uncovered sexual organs in a vulgar

 

17  and indecent manner.

 

18         (2)  A person who violates this section commits a

 

19  misdemeanor of the second degree, punishable as provided in s.

 

20  775.082 or s. 775.083, but the term of imprisonment may not

 

21  exceed 10 days and the fine may not exceed $50 by ticket.

 

22         Section 2.  This act shall take effect July 1, 2005.

 

23 

 

24            *****************************************

 

25                          SENATE SUMMARY

 

26    Provides that a person may not wear and expose

      below-waist underwear in a manner that exposes or

27    exhibits one's covered or uncovered sexual organs.

      Provides criminal penalties.

Perpetual Loneliness :o(

Right now, I am feeling very sad.  I wonder if this is the way things will always be for me.  I feel a little like a stranger in the land of my own life.  Like I don't really belong anywhere.  Oh, well.

Literary Genius, By George!

BUSH HAIKU


This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotations from George W. Bush, arranged, for "aesthetic" purposes, by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. A wonderful poem like this is too good not to share.

Ah, yes! A testament to literacy in the age of Every Child Left Behind.
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER!

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pant leg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!


Pass this on. Help cure Mad Cowboy Disease.