Happy Thanksgiving!

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

- Jon Stewart

WTF just happened??

Holy crap what a horrible, horrible friggin football game.  If you know me, it would be wise not to mention the annihilation that occurred today until I've had sufficient time and therapy to process it.  Seriously, I'm so not up to jokes yet.  Sure, I would have rubbed it in had we won.  But that's what the double standard is all about, right?  The standard is all ...double and shit.  Damn, that sucked somethin' serious. 

Tears for Bobby Pope

RIP, I Heart Iraqis

Words are something that generally come easily to me. So the fact that I’ve been in a futile struggle to find the right ones for over a day now is an odd feeling. I am overcome with emotion that needs to be expressed, but the words simply are not there. As I sit and ponder, fighting a constant battle with tears of frustration and anguish, it occurs to me that perhaps the words in themselves are not the biggest problem. Maybe this inexplicable combination of sorrow, grief, rage, guilt, hopelessness, pride, patriotism, despondency, and utter and total confusion comprising my present countenance is just not meant to be felt at all. Maybe the situation that has borne these feelings is so inherently wrong, so unnatural, that there should need be no words to describe it. No one should have to feel this way in the first place. Things such as this should just not be happening.

A friend died in Iraq this week. He was young, beautiful, funny, and full of life. I didn’t know him for very long, nor did I know him terribly well. But I knew enough of him to care deeply for him, and to know that there are so, so many others out there who care deeply for him as well. He will be greatly missed. His loss is a great one for all of us.

I am angry! I am angry that I can browse MySpace pages at any given time and find soldiers in Iraq whose headlines say things like “The Forgotten,” and who list their occupations as “Prisoner of War.” I am angry that morale is so low there that a soldier remarked on the subject to me just yesterday, “How can you be low on something you don’t have?” I am angry that every single day, the Department of Defense issues yet another press release announcing the name of yet another casualty of this horrible, senseless war. I am angry that these men and women largely ARE ‘The Forgotten’, and many of them, for all practical purposes, ARE prisoners of war.

Many of these men and women have fulfilled their contract. Yet they remain in Iraq. They are there under the notorious stop-loss program, if you can really consider it such. I, personally, consider it breach of contract. They have fulfilled the terms of theirs, yet the government feels that they need not do the same. They are forcing these people to stay in service longer than they agreed to, as if their sacrifice thus far was somehow inadequate, and effectively making them slaves to the system. Or as a very eloquent friend put it, "prisoners of war." The message stop-loss is sending out is that enlistment in the military is a crap shoot in the game of life. What good is a contract when the only enforceable aspect is the part where you sign your life away? Is it any wonder that there are problems with recruiting these days? Even those who LOVED being soldiers, took great pride in it, were proud of what they were doing would no longer have their worst enemy enlist. They are angry, they feel forgotten, they are mad. As well they should be. They are being held essentially captive by the country they loved enough to volunteer to protect.

I have heard it argued by people who make me quite literally homicidal that these guys can’t complain, that they knew what they were signing up for. “They VOLUNTEERED,” I’m told. Yep, they did volunteer. They volunteered so that you didn't have to be drafted in order to preserve our great American way of life. All the more reason they deserve our respect. And all the more reason they deserve to have people making decisions who actually value their lives, and who put them in harms way only when ABSOLUTELY necessary and with the means and the PERMISSION to protect themselves effectively. Right now they have neither. They are caught up in a bureaucratic death trap, and no one over here seems to give too much of a shit. I do not understand it at all.

I am living in a country I recognize less with each passing day. We act like nothing is going on. The casualties are just names on a piece of paper until it is someone we know. Yet the world still stands still every September 11 while we remember a list of people who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. What is wrong with this country? What is wrong with you???? We are over here basking in the ignorant freedom afforded us by these incredibly brave men and women who serve, and the vast majority of us don’t want to open our eyes and see what is really going on. We just stand behind our jackass of a president and gobble up the horseshit propaganda spoon-fed to us by the media like so many helpless pea-brained chicks. Why? Why doesn't anybody care? It doesn't make sense.

We all sit back and think that this war is so far removed, that it does not affect us, that we can not change it. We tell ourselves that it is not our fault. But it IS our fault. Every one of us who enjoy the freedoms that are afforded us by the constitution these men and women signed on to defend, we are culpable. We elected this president. We elected the congress. We sit idly by while this travesty of a war plays out. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said in his "Letter From Birmingham City Jail", "We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people." We are culpable.

The truth is out there. The soldiers are talking. Why isn’t anyone listening? Why, WHY won’t somebody make it stop?

to Bobby Pope, Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for your sacrifice. You will never be forgotten. To the rest of my POW's, (and you know who you are), you have my eternal respect, love, and gratitude. I am PROUD to call you all friends, prouder than you know.

Liberty, Justice and Vibrators for All

Found this online, and laughed like crazy. She makes a good point, though. Enjoy.

Liberty, Justice and Vibrators for All

It occurs to me tonight, that most civilians probably have no idea what it feels like to know your sex life is completely under the control of the United States Army. I, unfortunately do. My boyfriend has been overseas for almost a year now. And let me just say, there is a very good reason the Army calls it a 'HARDship tour'. He won't be able to come home for midtour leave until Christmas either. And of course they can't even promise he'll come home then.

So...what's a girl to do, people ask. Aside from buying my batteries at Sam's Club in bulk, and ordering many toys off the internet, I have to rely on my boyfriend to know when I've had all I can take and call me for a very intimate conversation.

However, when going over my last few bank statements, I've come to the conclusion that I'm spending way too much money on sex toys and porn. Now granted, I do have a libido that, if properly harnessed, could provide enough electricity for a small country, but I'm sure all this pent up sexual frustration is a common problem with military wives and girlfriends.

The military makes it known that it is extremely important for the mental stability of soldiers that their women stay faithful while they are deployed...not that most of us wouldn't anyway. They even have special pin ceremonies, performed by the chaplain, wherein the soldier and his girlfriend pledge to remain faithful to each other during their separation.

Therefore, my question to the Army and the policy makers of our government is this...If our celibacy is so damn important to you, could you at the very least consider passing out 'survival kits' to the women left behind when you take our men away for years at a time?


Kits should include:

1 industrial strength vibrator (you guys build and operate powerful equipment...make us some heavy duty Army issued camouflage vibrators)

A card to present to the cashier at the PX (or any discount store) which guarantees us free batteries and lube for the duration of our soldier's deployment

And a stack of patches to sew on the *** of all our pants/skirts/shorts, that reads: "PROPERTY OF (insert soldier's rank and name), PROTECTED BY THE UNITED STATES ARMY". That way every guy who checks out our *** knows it belongs to someone who carries a big gun and isn't afraid to use it. It should also be a finable offense for a guy to persistantly hit on a girl if she is wearing one of these patches. (It never ceases to amaze me just how many low-lifes there are out there who will try to convince girls that they're wasting their lives waiting for a soldier to return home...that the girl would be much happier and more satisfied with THEM. Yeah, right...like that kind of bullshit would work on a girl like me!)

Adding some guaranteed 'alone time' on the phone with our soldier at least once a month would also be a huge bonus for all involved. (And I bet the boost in morale would benefit the mission as well.) There would need to be a small private room in every camp, a closet would even work, (nothing fancy, just a phone, a bottle of lotion, some tissues and a comfy chair). The guys could sign up for time whenever they weren't on missions or training.

I'll leave ya'll with this question...if the government isn't going to subsidize my sex toys, can I at least write them off on my taxes as a contribution to the military?

Got Coke?

Ok, so it isn't exactly a blog.  But it sure is funny!

The text on the poster says, "I'm not saying I've used cocaine.  But if I did, it was merely a 'youthful indiscretion'.  Today I'm clean.  And I'm tough on crime.  So if I catch you using coke, I don't want to hear any of that 'youthful indiscretion' nonsense.  I'm throwing your crack-addicted ass in prison.  That's not hypocrisy.  That's politics."

Moving On

The things that are good for you in life are seldom ever easy. The healthy food tastes like so much crap. Bettering yourself through exercise or education, well, it's hard work. And saying goodbye to someone you love, even though you know they are bringing you down, hurts.

I lost a friend tonight. A friend I believed I'd have forever. Turns out, I was wrong. I've 'lost' this friend in the past, only to find myself right back there again. But this time is different. This time I am not crying as much. This time I'm through fighting. I am just so tired. Too tired to ever try again.

There was a time when I could trust him. A time when happiness wasn't completely realized until it was shared with him. A time where his advice was indispensible, rock-solid, and so right most of the time. But things are different now.

He has hurt me more than any one person ever has. He lied and lied until I honestly believe he could no longer discern truth. That's what happens to habitual liars. You can only live surrounded by untruth for so long before it eventually becomes pathological. Deception infects you and grows like a fast-spreading cancer until there is no part of your life, no corner of your soul left untainted. Trust can not be destroyed and rebuilt an infinite number of times. There are limits. I reached mine with him a long time ago. I was naive enough to think we could be friends.

I have defended my actions and my feelings for the last time. I have listened to the Today's Special list of my featured faults one last time, and I realize that the person on the other end of the phone has no idea who I am. Three years, and all he knows of me is the character he has created in his mind that made it justifiable for him to treat me the way that he did. Why did he lie to me? My fault. I shouldn't have been upset when he told me about the other woman he was fucking. He believed that the fact that he was honest when he could have lied should give him absolution, spare him the discomfort of seeing me cry, of seeing the effects of his actions. I should have been grateful that he was honest. For him, the offending action was that of confession, not that which was the subject of said confession. He couldn't tell me the truth anymore, because I didn't know how to react with the appropriate amount of gratitude.

It is somewhat relieving that i do not have to be wrong all the time anymore. I will miss the good times that we had. But I look forward to better. I deserve better. I don't need him anymore. I'm realizing now that I never really did.

Halloween in Mayberry

I picked the category News and Politics, though I'm not sure this is really even news, or that it deserves to be considered politics. But MySpace doesn't have a blog category for Inane Self-Righteous Bullshit, so until that great day comes, or I escape the piles and piles I am surrounded by, I guess I'll have to call it whatever I can.

I was watching the always fascinating local news tonight, quite by accident, when I heard what appeared to be a SNL skit, making fun of Southerners in our little southern towns and their deeply ingrained paranoia of anything that is different from them in any way. But, it was not a joke. It was real. Somebody, I am not sure exactly who the offending idiot was, has proposed that for Halloween night, all registered sex offenders be subject to a one-night curfew. That way all the little kiddies can Trick or Treat in peace, and parents can have a "night off from worrying". I shit you not, some lady said that mess on the news. Verbatim. Apparently on previous, unregulated Halloween nights, kids were being assaulted in the streets by Registered Sex Offenders dressed as humans. But these fine folks, who will incidentally be going out this year dressed as Constitution-Abiding, Freedom and Justice-for-all Pledging Americans, have the solution for that. Lock up the three hundred and some odd registered sex offenders and 17 sexual predators here in the county, and little Johnny goes unmolested about his candy-hunt, and mom and dad can just relax. Because, though they may have no respect for the law that says they shouldn't rape and pillage, they know better than to fuck with the BCSO and their curfew.

There is so much so wrong with this little scheme. First, you have a group of people, the vast majority of whom are non-offending at this time, who are already struggling to pick up the pieces of their lives and start over. Some of the people on this list are, like a guy I work with, teenaged boys, who make the list for having non-forcible, though legally non-consensual sex with their underage consenting girlfriend. They are registered for life for something that I did when I was underage with no repercussions. And let me tell you, if that dude has to stay home from work tomorrow night cause of this silly curfew, and I get stuck doing his share of the work, I will be beyond pissed! Not all registered sex offenders deserve to be registered sex offenders. But even for those who did truly earn the title, this curfew is not an answer, and it's not fair.

Number one, if they are not on probation, they have paid their debt to society. They have to register with the law and report their addresses so their forward thinking neighbors can come and harrass the living shit out of them. And in this environment, they have to try to find a job. As you can imagine, a lot of people aren't keen on hiring ex-cons, and a lot of such people end up in service jobs that require their working at night, like half the kitchen staff of the little seafood place I once worked. A curfew like this could cost some their jobs. It isn't fair.

The fact that this parent and others immediately jump on the registered sex offenders bandwagon and see it as a solution to the problem of violence against children is ludicrous. You don't need to be registered to commit a sex crime. The man who raped me is STILL not registered, thanks to a plea bargain, and I was his second conviction. But before they were registered, even the actual dangerous registered predators on the list were just an ordinary guy (or gal ) committing an ordinary sexual offense. Locking up these 300 people will not make your children safe. Being WITH them will. Watching them will. And it's ONE night! What will you do tomorrow? Locking these people up every time we get uncomfortable is simply not an option. Like it or not, this is America, and they do have rights.

The criminal justice system in this state, and many others, is fundamentally flawed. This list that is supposed to be part of the solution to sexual violence, is screwed up to the point of virtual uselessness as a result. You can't look at that list and even begin to tell what crime that person actually committed. My rapist pled out to "burglary of an unoccupied structure," the irony of which still gets to me. Would you be afraid to allow your kids around that guy? He raped me as an adult. He raped a four year old before me, a few months shy of his 18th birthday. And people would be more afraid to have their kids around my friend from work, whose crime was consensual sex with his girlfriend, statutory rape, merely because his name appears on a list it doesn't belong on and my rapist's does not. That's a messed up system. And it's only getting worse, because names don't come off that list, they just go on. The list grows and grows. In addition to the REAL threats that parents may NEED to be aware of are hundreds that pose no threat, and you can't even determine what their actual offense was, because that is not listed. Only whatever they ended up pleading guilty to. The list for Bay County is at 300 now. How many names will you have to search blindly through in a couple of years?

Christianity, a la carte

So, originally part of another VERY long blog, (thank you Byron), and still a work in progress, I have decided to give relious hypocrisy its own page. In case you didn't catch the first installment, I am irritated. By all the hypocrisy of the far right in this country. SO, I'm gonna take a look at a little of it, and tell all you lucky people what I think!

First of all, I do not assume that everyone is Christian and knows the Bible, or for that matter that every Christian even knows the Bible. It is the fact that most really DON'T, that has allowed governments across the ages to control the populus with its "divine" commandments from God. I will therefore begin my discussion of religious hypocrisy with a quick review of the Ten Commandments. (The biblical imperatives, not the film.) I choose the Decalogue because it is the one section of the Bible, the one set of rules that seems to be consensually regarded as still applicable. The many hundreds of other laws, such as the stoning to death of a non-virgin bride, the whipping of slaves, and impurity that can only be cleansed with death, MOST modern Christians feel no longer apply to them. A la carte Christianity. But since adherence to the Ten Commandments is regarded pretty much universally as the foundation of a good Christian life, lets just take a brief look. This should be much more convenient than driving to your local courthouse and being subjected to a body cavity search in order to gain entry and read them on the walls of justice.

1. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

It has been argued of late that our ENTIRE legal system is based on these Ten Commandments. Horseshit. The first freedom in this country is the freedom of religion. That is in stark contrast to the first commandment, now isn’t it? Rest on the Sabbath? For who? Bankers and Chick-Fil-A employees? Even churches employ people on Sunday. All of the minestry, child-care workers, musicians, are they all somehow exempt from this commandment? I didn't read that anywhere in the book. And heaven knows how the church crowd likes to eat out afterwards. The rest of us have to eat lunch at 10:30 just to avoid the crowd. If it is sinful to work on Sunday, wouldn't it follow that it would be sinful to engage in activities that cause others to work on that day as well? If not, then you guys who frequent strip clubs ought to be home free. After all, you're not the ones shakin' it fast now are you? Ah, but I digress. Seems that straying from the point may be contagious. Fact is, if there are facts when it comes to this, that half of the commandments don't appear anywhere in our laws. They are purely religious in nature. The half that do are principles common to nearly every religion, and can be found in many codes of law, both secular and religious - even some that predate the Ten Commandments. Thou shalt not kill is not wrong because it is in the Commandments. It is in the Commandments because it is wrong. It's a chicken and egg type thing, only with an answer.

(to be continued shortly...until then, stay off your neighbor's ox, and for heaven's sake don't covet his manservant's ass)

The End Times Are a Coming and Hell is Gonna Be Crowded

You know, nothing works my nerves quite like having complete strangers attempt to save my mortal soul. You know the type. They always have some little pocket-sized book with the path to righteousness plainly mapped out in four or five 2x3 pages. Apparently, these folks are in the Express Lane to nirvana, I mean have you seen the size of the Book everyone else is carrying? No wonder these check-out line prophets are becoming so numerous. I, personally, find it terribly intrusive to imply that I am a wayward sinner and go about inquiring as to the state of my spiritual affairs before you've even bought me dinner. Unfortunately, this sort of thing always seems to happen to me when I am in no position to protest, for instance while at work. (I’m in customer service. Pretty sure rebuking a customer’s chosen deity would not fall on the "good" end of that spectrum.) Not to mention, heathen though I may be, I do my damnedest to respect my elders. Then there is the ever-present and not insignificant fear, in my present surroundings, of the possibility of being burned in effigy at the proverbial stake should I deign to question THE one and only southern-fried God. You know, part of me is marginally impressed, once I recover from the initial shock and awe of this self-righteous social effrontery. It does take a sizable pair of cojones to start a conversation like that. I have struggled for uncomfortable minutes to find the words simply to tell someone their fly is down. How much more stressful must it be to advise someone that they are in fact on a one way pleasure cruise to hell! People have a nasty tendency to wanna shoot the messenger.

So last night at work I had one of these ballsy bible-thumpers as a customer. I just smiled unconfortably and nodded as she blessed me, my family, the diabetes I or anyone I know may have in the future, her groceries and pretty much everyone else within earshot who made the colossal mistake of standing too close, too long. (Though this post is written in jest, I am not exaggerating about the extent of the blessings.) She then said to me, “He’s coming back soon, you know,” and, a little confused, I in all sincerity reply, "Who, Daniel (co-worker)? No, he’s got an hour for lunch today. Is there something I can help you with?" And she just looks at me and says, “Jesus is coming back. He really is. Get ready,” all with this fascinating smug and knowing smile on her face. As if she were privy to some special knowledge the rest of us were not. You'd have thought the Savior Himself had just hit her up on the Direct Connect while she was browsing the produce section. Some nerve she has! How does she know I’m not already ready? What exactly was it about the way I look, or the way I smiled and asked “Did you find everything okay?” that screamed heathen to her? For all she knew, I could have Him on the Nextel, too. Now I'll admit, if Jesus were to come knocking today, he’d probably have to wait on the porch for just a minute while I hurriedly shoved all my dirty clothes in the closet and stuffed all the books cluttering my bed underneath it. I also look a hot mess, as I’m still in pjs and haven’t showered yet this morning. But as surely Jesus understands, that’s a risk you take when you drop in unannounced. Surely He would call first! I mean, look at how far in advance He got Revelations out there. Seems to be on top of things to me. ;o) So, I kid, but those encounters do make me incredibly uncomfortable. I'm pretty shy, as it is, and do well to make small talk. Discussing religion with a total stranger is just not something I'm up to. And I really do wonder why they're always after me!?! I'm a choir girl compared to some of my other 'colleagues'.

So that’s last night. Fresh on the heels of this revelation, I come across some of the lamest crap I’ve seen on myspace yet. Some ignorant snot-nosed 19 year old has posted this ludicrous diatribe written by “FRED”, whoever the hell that moron is, which is ostensibly about slavery reparations, but uses this platform to expound upon every negative racial stereotype there is, and spew his hateful racist venom across the world wide web. I’m debating on whether I should repost it here, so you all can see how NOT to talk to me, what NOT to say to me, and how NOT to think if you want to remain my friend. I decided to just post the link. You can check out his horseshit and my comment, until he deletes it anyway, at

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&friendID=28272475

**update: my scathing comment was deleted pretty much immediately. And both of his most hateful blogs shortly thereafter. Eeen-teresting. **

Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but those with hateful racist ones have no place in my life. If you are stupid enough to judge a person at first glance by the color of their skin, treat them badly accordingly, and are so myopic in your thinking that you can’t even fathom for a moment another person’s DIFFERENT experience of life, well then you have nothing to offer me. And if you’re Christian and racist, like this cat no doubt proclaims himself to be, I have even less time for you. Because that makes you not only stupid, but also a hypocrite, two social afflictions that I find insufferable.

I’m tired of all the hypocrisy that fills my world every single day, from the moment I wake up and read the paper, to the moment I turn off the computer and go to bed. Currently, the hypocrites who are pissing me off the most are the ultra right-wing conservative evangelicals. Hypocrites. A la carte Christians. Like the disgusting Westboro Baptist clan, for example. Somehow their Bibles must read different than mine. And they seem to feel that only some of the rules the rest of us faithfully follow apply to them, that they can pick the ones they're okay with following, use them to persecute and condemn others, and just ignore the rest. But that's a whole 'nother, not at all funny story. And I gotta go to class. Later, taters!

I'm Going to be an Uncle! or A Boy Named Amand-o?

Was already an aunt, thanks to Daisy and Haylee. Melissa found out today that she is having a boy this time. So, I guess naming it after me is out of the question. Damn. Still, I'm going to be an aunt AGAIN. How exciting is that?!?!?!

Maybe one day I'll meet a guy who doesn't suck and have my own kids. 'Til then I'll just continue living vicariously through my little sister. Much cheaper and less painful this way.

What's Love Got to Do with It?

What DOES love got to do with it? Not a damned thing as far as I can tell. I am sick and I am tired of men running around crying about how nice guys finish last and women are just so impossible to understand. According to them, women, the lot of us, are fickle, irrational, needy, insecure, etc., etc., etc. You know what FELLAS? If the woman in your life is a little insecure, if she is needy, if she has some trust issues, odds are you have another member of your own gender to thank for it.

Most women I know want three basic things from a man. Sometimes all from the same man, sometimes we'll settle for just numbers 2 and 3 from the wrong man. First, when we give you our love, we want to be loved back. Not fixed, rescued, or possessed. Just L-O-V-E love. That's it. Just that simple, show us you love us, and be fucking consistent about it. You'd be amazed at how far a little consistency will go towards eliminating that insecurity you guys so love to hate.

Second, whether we want you, in particular, to love us or not, we always want to be treated with respect. Do I need to spell that one out, too? Surely you've all heard Aretha do it, and I promise she sings considerably better than I do. So, I'm sure you all know the word, but as for the concept? If you say you're going to call or be somewhere, then you'd damn well better call or show up. If for some reason you can't make it or call when you said you were going to, find some way to communicate that fact as soon as you can get to a phone, computer, carrier pigeon, hell - in this information age, there is simply no excuse for leaving someone hanging. It's just plain inconsiderate. You wouldn't treat your colleagues or friends that way. (It does seem like anyone you're even hoping to share a bed with would merit at least an equal amount of courtesy and consideration.) If you make plans, follow through. If something better, more appealing comes up, then be honest, and be prepared for the consequences. Blowing someone off for something better sends a certain message. And people have the right to react to that message. You may find yourself reprioritized right out of their life. But that's their choice. Not yours. Cancelling plans with someone so you can go meet someone new, and making up some lame excuse so as to not burn bridges is fucked up something serious. If and when you're screwing around, SHE is the one who gets to decide whether your ass ever sees the other side of that bridge again. Not you. Simple enough concept.

Which brings us to number three. Women want some action. We have needs just like our sometimes neolithic counterparts. We appreciate being well provided for in that arena every bit as much as you guys do. While certainly an important part of any committed relationship, sometimes we just have an itch that needs to be scratched, no strings attached, and seems to me some of you should be thanking your lucky stars we chose you to do the scratching. But all of a sudden you feel the need to lie. To fabricate some pseudo-relationship in which you really care, and you want us to be your girlfriend, and you can lay it on really thick. You may scare us off right from the jump, or you may actually wear us down, and all of a sudden we find ourselves swept away in the romance of it all, and we allow ourselves to care - the last thing we were looking to do. And then you get your wild monkey loving. And you forget how to use the telephone. And you start lying even more about what's going on. We thought you were a good guy. We don't understand what is going on. It doesn't make sense. All of a sudden, we're the ones chasing you? This is a pain in the ass for everyone. You're crying to your friends about the crazy bitch who won't leave you alone. They're giving you the high fives about how you must have really put it down. We're crying into our pillow over this supposed "boyfriend" who played us for a fool. It doesn't have to be that way. Had you been honest from the start about what you were really looking for, you would be the lucky motherfucker who was getting laid up down and sideways by a woman free from all the expectations, inhibitions, and emotional baggage of a relationship. Your loss, I promise. There is more than enough dick to go around. But a good woman is a little harder to come by. If you're out for some ass, just be out for some ass. Don't insult us with your condescending, patronizing hearts and flowers bullshit. We can either deal with such a relationship, or we can't. But you can't decide that for us. Give us credit for being grown-ups, and we will act like them. And you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.

SOOO, the next time the woman in your life is toting a little more emotional baggage than is convenient for you, take a look around. Those lying, cheating, ball-scratching, beer-belching neanderthals you call friends are the source of many of the various neuroses you wish to attribute to her today. Then take a long hard look in the mirror and see if you're not starting to look a lot like them. And then ask yourself what you plan to do to change it.

*DISCLAIMER* Obviously there are many men out there who are more evolved than those discussed in this diatribe. This, clearly, would not be intended for you. You are much appreciated by those women of us who are tired of being treated like a bunch of silly school girls by men who have no clue what it is that they want. Keep it up, and there is an eternally grateful woman in your future. Karma isn't ALWAYS a bitch.

What Gets Senator Siplin's Knickers in a Twist

This is for real.  This is what we’re paying our lawmakers to do.  Tackle the real issues.  Like the “indecent wearing of underwear”.  Don’t know about you, but I’ve long been troubled by the vulgarity of people’s “exposed covered sexual organs”, and I think it is high time we start locking these indecent panty-pushers up.  Sure, prosecuting these dangerous offenders will cost those of us who proudly wear our pants and pay our taxes substantially more than the $50 fine Joe Boxer will be paying.  But can you really put a price on the deep sense of security that accompanies the knowledge that all the exposed asses in Florida will be finally be confined to the Capitol? J I have included the text of this important piece of legislative genius for your reading enjoyment. 

 

Hope you have a great day!

Amanda   

 

PS. And remember, if you’re planning to expose your covered sexual organs today, just make sure it’s done in a decent, non-vulgar manner.  I’d recommend a Speedo. Those have always been the epitome of taste and sophistication.   

 

 

 

Florida Senate - 2005                                  Senate Bill  SB 2260

 

    By Senator Siplin

     19-1538A-05

 

  1                      A bill to be entitled

 

  2         An act relating to the indecent wearing of

 

  3         below-waist underwear; creating s. 800.035,

 

  4         F.S.; providing that a person may not expose

 

  5         below-waist underwear in a specified manner;

 

  6         providing criminal penalties; providing an

 

  7         effective date.

 

  8 

 

  9  Be It Enacted by the Legislature of the State of Florida:

 

10 

 

11         Section 1.  Section 800.035, Florida Statutes, is

 

12  created to read:

 

13         800.035  Exposure of undergarments.--

 

14         (1)  A person may not wear and expose below-waist

 

15  underwear in a public place in a manner that exposes or

 

16  exhibits one's covered or uncovered sexual organs in a vulgar

 

17  and indecent manner.

 

18         (2)  A person who violates this section commits a

 

19  misdemeanor of the second degree, punishable as provided in s.

 

20  775.082 or s. 775.083, but the term of imprisonment may not

 

21  exceed 10 days and the fine may not exceed $50 by ticket.

 

22         Section 2.  This act shall take effect July 1, 2005.

 

23 

 

24            *****************************************

 

25                          SENATE SUMMARY

 

26    Provides that a person may not wear and expose

      below-waist underwear in a manner that exposes or

27    exhibits one's covered or uncovered sexual organs.

      Provides criminal penalties.

Perpetual Loneliness :o(

Right now, I am feeling very sad.  I wonder if this is the way things will always be for me.  I feel a little like a stranger in the land of my own life.  Like I don't really belong anywhere.  Oh, well.

Literary Genius, By George!

BUSH HAIKU


This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotations from George W. Bush, arranged, for "aesthetic" purposes, by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. A wonderful poem like this is too good not to share.

Ah, yes! A testament to literacy in the age of Every Child Left Behind.
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER!

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pant leg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!


Pass this on. Help cure Mad Cowboy Disease.

Make Up Your Mind, Moron!

So, I pull into the parking lot at work coming back from lunch, and a familiar symbol catches my attention from the corner of my eye.  For some reason, those things always draw my attention.  Mostly because they piss me off.  But also, partially because I feel they say a whole lot about the person displaying or, even worse, wearing them.  But that's not my point.  Anyway, I look up, and there's this stupid truck with literally a dozen little retarded bumper stickers on the back window, all with some stupid saying and the confederate flag.  So I read some of them.  The first one says, "HERITAGE NOT HATE".   Yeah, OK.  And then, about a foot and a half away is a sticker that says "THE SOUTH WAS RIGHT".  Um, whatever dickhead.  The south was a whole lotta wrong about a whole lotta shit for an awfully long time.  What exactly do you think we were right about?  Slavery?  Secession?  Jim Crow?  Lynching?  Segregation?  White supremacy?  You're a real shining example of our intellectual superiority, what with your "BUBBA UNIVERSITY" sticker proudly emblazoned across your oversized pickup truck.  (I'm not making that up).  If the south WAS right about all of that, then how is this flag NOT hateful?   To top it all off, was a GOD BLESS THE USA ribbon.  So, which is it exactly?  You like the confederacy or the USA?  Because the two are pretty much mutually exclusive.  You know, I have no problem with heritage.  The past should be remembered and lessons should be learned.  But heritage should be something to be proud of - something to celebrate - and nothing about the confederacy qualifies, except maybe its defeat.  Let it go.  No one likes a sore loser. Open your tiny little mind and join us here in the real world.  Your flags are offensive and they make you look every bit as ignorant, bigoted, disrespectful, and insensitive to your fellow Americans as you no doubt are.  (And that's another thing you might not want to advertise to the world.)  Dummy.
Incidentally, if you are reading this, and you wear that flag, EVER, you should really think about all of the people - ALL of the people - you come into contact with every day, and the message that you're sending them.  Because if you really think it's a pride thing, you're seriously deluded.  That's not at all the message you're putting out there.  Some things, you just shouldn't be proud of.  And some of us, more of us than you know, already know that.
Racism is so passe.

Currently listening :

What's Going On?

“You’re not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can’t face reality.  Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or who says it.” 

 - Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965

 

I just watched the news.  Not much good on there these days.  I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling.  But a song by Marvin Gaye is playing over and over in my troubled mind. 

 

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today

(Al Cleveland/Marvin Gaye/Renaldo Benson)

 

What, really, is going on?

 

 

Currently reading : Meditations on First Philosophy: In Which the Existence of God and the Distinction of the Soul from the Body Are Demonstrated By Rene Descartes Release date: October, 1993

Sequel to Love and War

So it seems I may have been a little one-sided in my representation of love this morning.  In the interest of fairness, I have decided to include some other viewpoints.  I apologize, too, for my earlier melodrama.  Miscommunication can be a real bitch when you are feeling emotionally vulnerable and afraid.  

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel." - Anonymous

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way." – Pablo Neruda

"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties" -  Jules Renard  

“There is always some madness in love.  But there is also always some reason in madness.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love." - Washington Irving

All's Unfair in Love and War

What a shitty, shitty day.  How did I get back here?  Crying my eyes out over a broken heart.  I swore it wouldn't happen, i'd never visit here again.  Was gonna guard my heart.  Protect my feelings.  But nope.  I couldn't hold on to it, and I gave it away too soon.  And now here I am again.  Oscar Wilde once said the heart was made to be broken.  If it was made to be broken, then how come there is so much discomfort involved?  Maybe someone ought to think about a redesign. 

 

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it oepns up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman

Lincoln High Nostalgia

Famous Stickle Saying...

Life itself is very much like climbling a slippery glass hill. We climb and we slip. We climb again and we slip. We all slip. Everyone has sorrow, tragedy, frustration and disappointments. But the measure of a person, the measure of you is not whether you slip. but what you do when you slip. Do you pick yourself up and climb a little higher on the hill or do you lie there and whine and slip backwards into nervous breakdown. The choice is yours. - Chuck Stickle, Lincoln High School



Charlie, I know you know some more, right? Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling....

Women Are the Sweetness of Life

Found this poem online a while back and really dug it. I DID NOT WRITE IT! It's by Kenneth Carroll. But I like it. A lot. Hope you do, too. Funny story about this poem, my uncle posted it on HIS myspace with the copyright and all, and all these women started fawning over him and telling him how articulate he was. It clearly said he didn't write it. So allow me to reiterate, I did not write this! I am certainly no poet.



"women are the sweetness of life."

poets can build galaxies from pebbles
& breathe the word of life into brief glances,
but one must be careful with the power of creation
so i scribble an obligatory, struggling to keep from
staining the page with the exaggeration of new passion,
unsure if i am simply the writer who lives downstairs,
plays his coltrane too loud & likes thunderstorms
i take a trip one flight up
where your eyes escort me to another country,
your touch becomes a wet kiss on the horizon
of a birthday in a warm july
i travel to your smile to hear stories of
wrecked trains parked in your dining room
but the past is a vulgar thief
it steals the laughter from your eyes,
tosses the broken edges of yesterday's heartache
into this remembrance
i dream of erasing painful memories with lingering
caresses from a steady hand
i rearrange the jagged stars of your past
i am the young boy smiling at you with love letter eyes
i carve your name into the soul of graying trees
i am your first slow dance, a trembling hand teetering on your waist
i replace the melancholy prayers on your lips with urgent kisses
i swear an oath to your beauty, become holy in your embrace
traveling tall miles through years of distance,
i arrive, wet from your tears,
my only tool—a poet’s skill
i mend your smile,
emancipate your eyes,
& together
we ride that wrecked train from your dining room
to the horizon of your birthday in another country.

© Kenneth Carroll

Step Away from the Mic, Partie Deux

Ok, so I told you about the idiot with the radio show and the BS about Katrina. Well, there's more. I don't know this guy's name. I'm rather glad that I don't. Knowing me, I'd try to listen to him again, just to prove to myself that he really is an idiot, and I really am much more enlightened. And that can only lead to high blood pressure. So, he starts talking about charity. CHARITY! Hah! He says that this storm has "totally transformed" the meaning of charity. He goes on to use Baton Rouge as an example. Over the course of just 3 days, 72 hours! (for those listeners who missed that week in elementary school, i guess), he says the population of Baton Rouge DOUBLED!!! And then he asked us to imagine that happening where we live. And he reminds us that these people (evacuees) are "poor, penniless, and on average far behind others academically". Um, OK. I'm glad you brought that up. He elaborates that some vast majority of the students transferring in to these schools are performing at levels way below their non-poor, non-penniless, obviously far superior Baton Rouge-ian (what IS that word anyway?) counterparts. Hunh. They're poor, and they've gotten an inferior education. Coincidence? I think not. What better illustration of the inequities in the quality of education available to people in different income brackets. In mass numbers we are now seeing it. Will anyone notice? Will anyone do anything about it besides considering it a liability, another hardship to the fine folks who have decided to split their city with the displaced victims of Katrina?

Anyway, he said all that not to prove my point, but to show us that charity has CHANGED. These folks are coming to YOUR town en masse, and it's not just enough to write a check anymore. I think perhaps what he was trying to say is that charity is no longer about your tax deduction, it's about getting these poor, plebeian imbeciles out of your front yard, and not letting them dumb down YOUR school system. Don't want your kids catching poor or stupid do you? Poverty is contagious, you know. And I was thinking about it. And he's so wrong. CHARITY has not changed. Not for those of us who knew what charity was about in the first place. Charity has only changed for those people who gave so that they'd have their name in print, and a deduction on their income tax. Many people have given much of their time for ages, there's never been a tax deduction for that. It's not about a check to them, because they don't have a check to write. But they give of themselves anyway. Some people give because they have generous hearts. They see a need, and they have a natural drive to try and fill it. My Grandma Ramsey is like that. I'll bet you money she's never claimed it on her taxes. Charitable people don't give expecting something in return. They don't give for self-serving reasons. Some of us have always known what charity was. For us, it hasn't changed at all. Seems to me the only thing that has changed is the comfort level of the elite.

Step Away from the Mic!

The only thing worse than a moron is a moron who has his own show on talk radio. Nothing gets my blood boiling quite like some arrogant prick who has it all figured out and spews his largely fallacious tripe to the totally oblivious masses, with complete disregard for the laws of reason.

So tonight, on the way home from my birthday dinner, some conservative pundit (and by pundit I mean socially irresponsible dickhead) is on the radio, best I could tell doing his damnedest to give me an aneurysm. I'm sure he thought he had a point. But I couldn't find it, and I like to consider myself a reasonably intelligent person. First he's going on and on about how 76% of black America believes that race played a part in the response, or lack thereof, of the federal government to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. He's lamenting the sad state of affairs that must exist when "76% of black Americans feel that the color of their skin instantly relegated them to second-class citizenship." As in, "black Americans" are the ones who have decided that their very blackness makes them somehow second-rate. As in, this isn't so much about systematic bias and oppression that began around the same time the first slave ship weighed anchor, as it is a simple self-esteem thing, really. Pandemic low self-esteem. As in, isn't it pitiful, this obvious self-loathing that we white folks clearly have nothing to do with? As in, what was it called? - Oh yeah, RACISM! Oh, Racism has long since left the building. In fact, I hear it splits its time these days between residence wholly in the imaginations of "black America" and a sweet little cottage it shares with the tooth fairy and Easter Bunny.

I'll give the idiot one concession. That statistic is indeed sad. Not new, really, not even exclusive to natural disaster relief debacles, but sad all the same. HOWEVER, he can't let well enough alone. He then says that whether race actually played a part, whether black people in America are in fact still treated as second-class citizens, is COMPLETELY irrelevant to the fact that they feel that way. And further, this is just awful for America. Yeah, buddy, it's awful, alright. But how is it possible for the truth to be irrelevant? If people are being discriminated against, how is that anything but relevant to their believing it to be the case? And shouldn't they be pissed off about it? Shouldn't the rest of us be? Better yet, wouldn't we be, had the proverbial shoe been on the other foot? Seems to me that knowing that there is a problem gives us both the responsibility and the means to go about solving it. Stop pretending that prejudice isn't out there, start dealing with your personal assortment.

Beyond that, I don't believe it's just about black and white. The thing about racism today is that it is far too easy to just pretend it does not exist - if you're white. The idea of hating someone else because of the color of their skin is so fundamentally ridiculous that whenever someone brings up its factual, though illogical, existence, they are treated like they just attributed their troubles to Santa Clause. Racism isn't real! Nobody believes in that stuff anymore! Come on, take some personal responsibility. You can't blame us white folks for EVER! But race is far from the only issue here, and I would even go so far as to say it is not the key issue. I believe the major factor here is socio-economic status. Simply put - money. If there is a God in this country, it is the American dollar. And black, white, or polka-dot, if you don't have it, you are wholly insignificant to those who do. Poor people are expendable. Anyone who thinks the response would not have been different had this tragedy happened in a wealthier place is a fool. Poverty contributed exponentially to the degree of the devastation. And poverty has played a large part in the aftermath. The fact that well over twice as many black families as white ones fall below the poverty line in itself makes race a factor, and raises important ethical questions about the responsibility white America bears. They are poor, they are black, and they are right. So what are we going to do about that? Einstein there, naturally, didn't have any suggestions. Not so much as a "Can't we all just get along?" Apparently, the way he sees it, folks just need to know their role and quit their bitching.

He did, however, have comments about charity. But they were so completely asinine that they warrant their own blog. I know you're all on the edge of your seats. Nothing like a drug induced rant to enthrall the masses. I wonder if any of this will make sense to me tomorrow?

Blah

Well, it's my birthday. And I'm lonesome. And I'm depressed. I don't think I'm quite old enough to be depressed about birthdays yet, so it must be something else. I mean there's plenty to choose from right now. There's the recent and ongoing devastation of Hurricane Katrina. There's the horrible situation in Iraq. Turning on the news just makes me sad and angry these days. I don't even recognize my beloved country anymore. And I wonder sometimes if it will ever get better. Are there still people out there who get it? Do people still care? I'm beginning to have doubts.

I'm still feeling kinda bad from the meningitis. Stay away from that. Not a good time. My head feels like mush when it's not pounding, and I'm told that these little mood swings could be related. I've had so much medicine pumped through my veins the last 3 weeks that I feel pretty sure I glow in the dark. But I'm too tired to stay up and check. I miss school, I miss work, I miss not being tired, and I miss my brain. I'm ready to have my life back. I had so much to do! So much that I cared about. Now it's exhausting to talk on the phone. I've always felt like things happen for a reason. I wonder why this happened to me? I mean, I know I said I wanted to quit smoking by my birthday, and I REALLY wasn't making any progress. But this seems a rather drastic method, don't you think? And expensive. I just got a hospital bill, for more than 25,000 dollars!!! I'm really hoping that they just haven't applied the insurance yet. Because HOLY CRAP! 25,000 bucks!?!?!? Nicorette is pricey, but I don't think it quite compares! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have a life at all right now, as I understand that I came close to losing mine. It's just scary and frustrating and I'm ready to get past it.

SO, I guess the good news is I haven't had a cigarette in almost 3 weeks. That's well past the supposed detox period, so in theory I'm only addicted in my head from now on. So it should be pretty easy to stick with it. I've actually gone days without even thinking of smoking. I really hope I can do it. At least I'll have accomplished something. And I've met someone I think is really incredible. And he makes me smile. A lot. So maybe life doesn't completely suck after all. I'm sure I'll perk up soon.

I really miss my friends and family.

Forgive Them Father, For Republicans Know Not What They Do

This is a comment my friend Tony posted in reply to an earlier blog of mine. I had to share it with everyone because it is too funny! I think we can all agree, Tony is well on his way to redemption, as the first step toward recovery is always admitting that you have a problem. Now I'm going to work on forgiving him for his terrible electoral transgression.



Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It was before the Presidential elections that I last confessed.

"What are your sins, my son?"

I'm truly sorry... I hate to admit it, but I voted for that sandal-kissing, sheik-screwing, meglaomania-driven, price-gouging, week-knee'd, profit-crazed, corporate, fachist, skull-bone card carrying, earth degrading, pillow-biting, ass-kissing, oil baron.

Now I KNOW I'm going to hell, but if there be any grace for me at all, I would like for it to be poured upon those who've been affected by my poor decisions in the voting booth.

Those who've been put out on the streets because the current administration has outsourced any job they could to foreign countries, gave tax incentives to large companies to move south of the border so they wouldn't have to pay their workers as much as they do here in the U.S. , thus driving their profit margins higher, without any concience what it may do to our economy here.

For those who, while they lived on the streets here, were getting a better chance at finding a job, or at least some food and a warm place to stay at night. And for those who were providing assistance to those who were in need with government grants.

For those who needed healthcare and got turned out of the hospital doors. And those who were climbing the ladder at their job for their merits, but lost out to those who were hired to fill a quota because of their race, ethnicity, heritage or handicap.

And for those quota fillers who couldn't get jobs based on their merits because the jobs were filled by those less qualified.

For those who live paycheck to paycheck without knowing if this Friday they'll have a paycheck thanks to all the taxes being taken by big government for special interests. And those who were hoping and counting on a fair Christmas bonus from their company who found out that their bosses got raises and the bonuses were being "phased out".

"My son, for this I stongly agree that you have sinned. But your sin lies within your own heart. Therefore, I won't give you any "Hail Mary's", but just One Act of Contrition."

Yes, Father- What is it?

"Vote Democrat next time."

And if I don't?

"Then all the Hail Mary's and Acts of Contrition I could give you wouldn't save your soul, and you may as well run for Congress."

I WILL vote Democrat for President next election. Nobody can change my mind about it, so don't write me about it.

(c) Anthony Huddleston




Posted by Tony on Wednesday, September 07, 2005 at 11:41 PM

Michael Moore's Letter to the President

Couldn't have said it better myself. But I've certainly thought it. What a terrible travesty.

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina
and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted.
Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do
you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man,
was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could
really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do
like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin
with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans.That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news.Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond
to nothing.Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littlest.There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing --NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army
helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and
the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore

The 23rd Qualm

Got this forward today from Jimmy. Made me smile. Go ahead and laugh! It's at least a little funny, I don't care who you are.



The 23rd Qualm

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.

He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests. He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness; he restoreth my fears.

He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find no exit, for Bush is in office.

His tax cuts for the rich and his media control, they discomfort me.

He preparest an agenda of deception in the presence of my religion. He anointest my head with foreign oil my health insurance runneth out.

Surely, megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of his term.

And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.

There Is No 'A' in 'Definitely' & 'You' Is a Three Letter Word

Maybe it's just me showing my ever-increasing age, but I find myself increasingly irritated by people who write me shit like this guy did today on MySpace:

really u look very beautiful' and u look star'
so that i want to say somthing to u'
if you needed me to wait for you for five hundred yearsto see u, I would. If you needed me to kill myself to see you, I would. If you needed me to go to hell I would. i'm italian boy hope to see u and talk with u plz give me your heart ' give me your love really i hop. if u want me u can found me at *********@yahoo or msn
plz add me at your yahoo or msn really i like u

Aside from the serious chemical imbalance implied by poetry like "If you needed me to kill myself to see you, I would," there is the "u" and the "plz" and the fact that the crap just really doesn't make any sense. And it angers me. Because at my age, when I read something like, "you look star", I have to sit for a moment and wonder if it's not yet another new slang term I don't know the meaning of. After all, I still remember when fat was just a dress size, dope was something you smoked, and I actually knew people who said things like 'rad' and 'grody to the max'. Yes, I did. But at least we could spell. You is a three letter word. Three letters. It bugs me when people can't be bothered to use them all. And all the rest of this...phonetic typing??? What is the deal? What has caused this total annihilation of the English language? It had to be Hooked on Phonics.

A sad state of affairs. I think that's enough mindless bitching for one night. I still have an awful cold, in case you couldn't tell by my equally unpleasant mood. :o) Oh, well. I'm going to bed.