The Longest Year

Today has been a tough day. I know the media is flooded with stories of today's anniversary of the Virginia Tech Massacre. But that wasn't the only tragic event on that day last year. The same day, my Grandma Ramsey passed away, after a very shocking diagnosis with a weird form of cancer called GIST.

She was, as always, surrounded by my enormous family till the very end. There were days the last few weeks where there were so many people there that we couldn't all fit in the house. Literally people in every room, more folding chairs than I knew we owned spread through every room, and all full and then people sitting in groups all over the yard. And even through her immense pain, she saw every last one of us as much as we needed. She told us she loved us. She told us funny stories about her past that she would NEVER have admitted to otherwise. Even in her hardest hours on this Earth, she was giving of herself to all of us, trying to ease our pain.

My Grandma was probably the most giving person I've ever known. She had a smile, a love for life, a love for her family, a love for her friend and savior Jesus, and an infectious laugh, all of which surpassed my understanding sometimes. How could one woman do SO much, for SO many, and SO willingly and selflessly? But she did. If I live to be half the woman she was, I will have achieved something akin to greatness.

It's been such a hard year. There were days I wasn't sure I'd make it through, times I'd cry till I thought I would literally run out of tears, or wail so loud I was quite sure the neighbors could hear. There were so many times when I wanted to reach for the phone and call my grandma to share some good news, or complain about bad news, or schedule a game of Skip-Bo, or invite her to dinner. I miss her daily. But these days, I can't help laughing through my tears. Because there are so many happy and very funny memories. It has been so helpful to visit her memorial site the last month or so and read the guestbook. Just hearing that other people still think about her all the time, reading their funny memories always makes me cry, but it also inevitably makes me smile.

I miss my Grandma. Today has been a tough one. Quite selfishly, I was not at all ready to let my Grandma go. I still wish I could have her back, healthy and happy and full of her laughter. But I guess the closest I can get is to remember her, and to share her memory with those I love.

To my family, there are a couple of new entries in her guestbook that made me feel better to read. Please visit today, and share your sentiments. www.rememberingireneramsey.net

It's a tough day for my family, but not one without some sweetness as well as we remember the woman who meant so much to all of us, and left us too soon. Please keep us all in your thoughts. Thanks.