You Had Me at 'Evil', Cupcake

Oh noes!  Me head is all confused like!  What to do?  What to think?

I’ve always been one to think things through and weigh carefully the options before taking a stance on any issue.  And I try to always have a well thought out opinion prior to opening my mouth.  I think of it as Soundinglikeasshat Risk Management.  I also try to remain flexible in these opinions, though I’m not always terribly successful, as I tend to be pretty passionate when it comes to my beliefs, not the least of which is my unwavering faith in my own infallibility.   But I just saw something that has rattled me to my core. 

Ever since I put any real thought and research into it, I have been 100 percent, completely, absotively, posilutely against the death penalty.  And I’m not fond of genocide, ethnic cleansing, or religious persecution either.  I am also a proponent of free speech and believe that everyone has the right to both have and voice their own opinions.  Even those people whose opinions differ from mine, and so are clearly misguided and wrong.  (If they weren’t free to express them, then nobody could laugh at them until they shamefully see the light and eventually get off the idiot highway, and back to my way.) 

But this crazy bitch I saw today?  Holy hell.  Her opinions aren’t just wrong, they’re toxic.  She calls herself an "evil angel,"  but she's like BFF with the man upstairs.  Look, watch the video, I'm not makin' this shit up!  And she’s procreating like she’s trying to start her own goddamn marching band!  My first thought was, somebody shut her the fuck up.  Ah, but free speech.  Just cause she’s clearly a tard, don’t mean she can’t prove it to the world.  Shit.  Then I thought, somebody take her out!  Run her over, have an “accident” with the 21 gun salute at one of the military funerals she disrupts with her loony blather.  But that would still leave the dastardly brood of little hateful mini-terrorists whose minds she has already fucked.  Small scale genocide?  Goes against everything that I believe in. 

Ah, the irony.  This hateful, loathsome freak of nature continues to live and breathe in this country she admittedly hates only because all the rest of us horrible, doomed-to-hell heathens are better people than she is.  Ain't that some shit.....  Sigh.  And because the soldiers whose funerals she is disrupting with her cheering pickets and protests are serving to give her sorry good-for-nothing ass the freedom to be an insufferable ingrate.  (Is there anything in the Bible about impaling people on picket signs made and displayed in taste that is poor beyond all reason?)  If not, I may know someone who knows a guy.  I'm just sayin'.

If there’s a just God, or such a thing as Karma, these miserable fucks will die a slow and miserable death  of  a broken heart when all eleven of this evil bitch's children come out of the collective closet.  And if there is a hell, Mommy Dearest'll be stoking the fires with her “God Hates Fags” signs for eternity.